I find that whenever I visit the Macmillan web site I get depressed. reading all those stories. especially the " I've just been diagnosed" entry's. It set's me off thinking about my own Illness. I have Bladder cancer. or rather had. I have just finished six week's of radio therapy. I still have trouble urinating. It's slow and the night's are spent visiting the toilet on average 7 or 8 time's so I get little sleep. In myself I feel fine. everyone tell's me how well I look. and I try to avoid thinking about my Illness. but ad's on the TV asking for donation's to help fight cancer are constantly reminding me of what I have. I remember one ad In particular. It Involve's a man with his consultant. and the consultant tell's him " IT IS CANCER" and the patient go'es Into a state of shock and hear's no more. It's like he has gone deaf. when I was told I had bladder cancer It came as a shock. my wife burst Into tear's and I had the feeling that reality had shifted. I became that man In the ad. I thought " death " then I thought I've got to tell my children who are all grown up. some took It better than other's. I have a daughter living In New Zealand she Immediately flew home. my eldest daughter went to piece's. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. they all came together to form a wall around me. hopefully I am cured but you can never be sure with cancer. I have an appointment next month to see a radiologist consultant. and then a month after that an appointment to see a urologist. and usually two week's after seeing her an appointment Is made to be examined. and I'm not looking forward to that,
