3.52 AM and I have actaully been awake since 2.37AM, tossing and turning trying to sleep catch. I fell asleep at about 11:30 so at least I have had 3 hours - contributing factors tonight are:
Really heavy cold for last 2 days - sneezing, runny nose - what a turn around I have had a blocked nose for months hence my naso-pharangeal cancer.
My son has not yet come home (not normally a worry) but he is supposed to be working tomorrow and he lost his last job through not turning up at weekends - cannot bear the thought of his being unemployed again.
Cleo my big dog with poorly leg is downstairs and she will bark when and if he does come home so know I would be woken with that.
Too damned hot - hot water bottle relegated to far end of bed but Rosie my little Lakeland terrier more than compensates - laid down at my side and she is well overdue for clipping (another task I have neglected to do).
Hunger - just eaten 2 weetabix to quieten the monster that is my stomach - I believe I feed it enough but the noise it makes tells me otherwise - maybe enough but maybe not the right type of enoug
The other factor that I believe contributes is this site or I should say the when and how I use this site. Since starting back at work I primarily use the site when I come to bed - I "visit" or "lurk" and the activity in the groups I subscribe to is not very busy (a good thing hopefully in that all is as well as can be) whereas the bereaved and carers groups are very active and I have found myself reading these posts. I then try to sleep with a mind full of not very nice thoughts and inpressions. I know this because I have spent hours trying to re-focus on positive things, nice places etc but my mind has a mind of its own.
A lady called Rose Petal did a post about getting the all clear and then a few months later being told she was dying (her words) this has affected me quite profoundly as it is this I keep thinking about - she sent me questions after my post last week that I had been given the all clear.
So many unfinished jobs around the house and so many household tasks still neglected - this does frustrate me - yesterday was going to be a productive day and other than catch up on TV I did nothing but lay on the sofa - energy level so very low. Today is probably going to be worse as at least the night before I managed to sleep.
Other than the weather and my son I can try to do something about the above. I am only 1 month away from being off Lorazapam and am now off the co-codamol so I am going to wean myself away from "lurking" and not log onto the site after 6.00 pm - might as well "come off" everything at the same time.
It is now 4.30 am - that is the worst watching the clock - the birds are singing, it is light outside almost, my son still has not come home and I still am not tired plus I now feel a little sick - perhaps weetabix and lem sip do not mix well together.
I am going to go to my Pinterest - I have started a new pin board called seasons and I have re-charged my camera so that I can upload some of my own shots rather than "stealing" others.
Jayne
