Was hoping my blog post from last week was going to be a lonely one, but it seems a week later I am here again - almost 2 hours earlier with this blog.
I do believe sleepless nights have caught me and I am going to have to do something to deal with this. I am always tired early evening but do not give in because I know I will not sleep later on but lo and behold when I want to go to sleep 10-10,30ish I am wide awake.
Last night did not sleep well at all and today I have walked around Leeds Bradford Airport grounds (with my work) for 2 hours, worked on my lap top until 9.00 pm thinking that this combination would knock me out - but no. I am yawning my head off but I know by the time I have placed lap top on floor, re-arranged pilows, laid down, turned light off I will be wide awake.
My relaxation tape is not working, in fact it is annoying me and tonight might be the first time since November 12 I do not play it on a loop.
Last week after I did my blog I joined a web site called pinterest. My friend had been telling me about her addiction to this site. Basically you join (no charge) and you create pinboards with pictures, sayings, etc. The site has thousands of members and you can use your own pictures or copy them from other peoples boards. I started a pin board and I called it "sleep catchers" - I have only 5 pins on it and they are all pictures of calm serene beaches with beautiful blue sky. I am going to find some more pictures and create a new pin board "shoes I would love to own". I think this is a great idea although I don't think I will get addicted as my best friend says.
I have had half my liitle blue Lorazapam - no longer the wonder drug - and on the advice of Mrs NHS i am to come off this within the next month or two - reducing dosage to 1/2 tab alternate nights, then every 3 nights. This does not alarm me as I think the magic wore off a while ago and now I have to be up at 7.30 am (really should be 7.00 am due to time it takes to actually eat a breakfast now) to go to work Tues, Wed & Thurs natural sleep would be best. So I need a prescription for natural sleep - if only.
Up to a few months ago a sleepless night would have frightened me, I would hate to be awake after 11.00 pm and I mean hate the thought and fear it - now I have realised I do not have those feelings.What is a sleepless night compared to the emotions, the fear, the pain, the discomfort, the anxiety, the loss of control, the horror of being pinned to a table with a mask on whilst RT beams down on - it is nothing - an annoyance - but one that I cannot allow to get a grip.
The vivid memories of no sleep last November reminds me that it can be debilitating and how I so looked forward to going to bed at 7.00 pm, 1/2 a magic Pam tablet, night night until 8.00 am next day. If I could do this every night I would.
The Town Hall clock has just struck 1.15 am (used to annoy me when I first moved here) now I don't notice it, tonight I do. I have all windows open and I have a fancy opening window that I have to have shut if my doggies are in with me - tonight even my Rosie has abandoned me - think she is fed up of being tossed about when I have my unrestfull sleep.
I am going to now go and start a new pin-board with some shoes, then I may read, I am setting a 2.30 am head down 2nd attempt at some shut eye.
Hope it is at least a week before I am night blogging again.
