Ups And Downs

So today I had the doctors to discuss my anti depressents I explained about my situation and about my dad. I was shocked when he said he would be inclined to take me off the medication. I don't want to become reliant on them but I am pretty sure I would have already crumbled by now had it not been for the meds taking the edge off emotions. So after a long chat instead he changed the meds instead. By no means am I coping well with my dads diagnosis but I feel in a better place to at least try and be strong then I was before I was on medication and having counselling. Anyway after that I had a nice walk round the shops with my daughter while we waited for my prescription and took her to the library. She really is the best distraction of all, seeing things in such a happy innocent way. When I had dropped her at nursery my husband took me for lunch, it was lovely and helped that it was like summer out. I invited my mum but she is regimental when it comes to doing housework etc and today she had to get that done. My dad was at work and I find myself emailing him to check up on him. Still no news from the hospital for an appointment, this waiting is hard and my mum seems so on edge waiting for the phone to ring. After I picked my daughter up from nursery we went to see my mum(my parents live in the same road as us) my mum seems so down and it brings me back to reality that even tho I have had a nice afternoon all this crap is still happening and whilst I can distract from it I can't escape from it. My mum talks to me about how she is feeling with tears welling in her eyes. My dad then comes home early to go food shopping he seems his normal chirpy self playing around with my daughter and doing silly dances, it's sometimes hard to think he is ill, untill he coughs or gets breathless then it's all to much of a scary reminder. I hate leaving my parents I love spending time with them but not only that now I feel as though I want to keep an eye on them I know that's silly. Anyway I will check up on them later as I always do by texting my mum. Think a hot bath and bed for me later and then hopefully sweet dreams of happy things xxx