So I started off the day feeling pretty rubbish and carried on really. Just wanted to be on my own most the time which is not fair on my daughter or my husband. I then went down to see my mum and dad this afternoon. I love so much to spend time with them. My dad was in his Sunday seat as my mum calls it. He said he felt tired and got breathless during the day this scared me :( we then had tea and biscuits and watched football, well my dad did while me and my mum did some online shopping. My mum and dad know about my health anxiety and know I google alot. My dad spoke about hearing about the ct results and how he was still hoping that it would not be cancer. I said that there was not any other causes really and he asked how many months or weeks he would have left :( he asked jokingly but I could see fear in his eyes.
My mum has a digital photo frame and it was going through photos of our cruise last year, my mum and dad were so happy then and looked the picture of health with there tan skin in the photos. We have another cruise booked for this year which now hangs in the balance :( I could see the sadness in my dad as he watched the photos and no doubt wish we could be transported back to that happy time.
This time last week we were all at the o2 watching noel Gallagher, my dad looked so poorly that nite but still joined in singing to don't look back in anger and drove us there and back safely. My dad said today that this time last week he had no idea of what was going to be diagnosed he said he honestly thought it would be that he had done damage from coughing that had caused the blood.
And that's it I am now in bed dreading the doom that may come next week, thinking of happier times with a heavy heart and wishing for happy news to make us smile next week, to see happiness in my daddy's eyes again and to look forward to a healthy future. Maybe in my dreams I will see this.
Night night.........
