So we had a family outing to the hospital today, wish after our 6 hours there we could have come away with better news :(
First my dad went in to see a doctor who asked my dad lots of questions and explained that the ct scan showed the lung tumour is large and only a biopsy will confirm what type of lung cancer it is. The doctor was suprised my dad is not feeling worse considering the tumour size. Which leaves me thinking it must be really bad and how should he be feeling?????
My dad then went to have his bronschopy, after that the doctor said it is definitly malignant and large but will have to wait for biopsy results for more details. They will have a meeting to discuss my dads case next Friday and we should know more the Monday after that.
I came away feeling numb, had been strong in our hospital visit not even any tears and then my husband and I sat in the car, and it was my husband who started crying and this set my tears off.
I still find thinking of happy times like our cruise in September so painful, my dad was a picture of health all tanned and happy...... Them moments feel a million miles away now almost like they were a dream.
Even at new years our party, my dad dancing around with pants on his head, only a few months ago but a world away from what's happening now.
So many questions I have..... Why did the cough start that day? Why didn't we get him to the doctor sooner? Why why why....... Will not help but still can't help asking.
Now we are here in this dark place with dark thoughts and the fear that nothing is ever going to be the same again....... My daddy my daddy who looks after me who loves me who wipes my tears...... My daddy I may be 26 but I want and need you now as much as ever
