When do I stop crying?

Thank you.  We've done exactly that.  Had a heart to heart between the tears and snot.  It was one of the hardest things (after hearing the prognosis) that we have done but we both felt better afterwards.  Hearing him talk about his feelings and hopes gave me strength and hope that I will be able to support him.  I'm so glad you are there for each other. 

Sending you so many virtual hugs.  Covid makes dealing with all of this so  much more difficult as you can't be by their side for a lot of what they are facing.  I'm trying my hardest to take comfort in the fact that while we may not grow old together as we had always planned that we've been together a long time and I cherish that we found each other. It doesn't always work but in the moments it does, I'm grateful.  I hope you are able to, even for just a few minutes here and there.

I can relate so much to what you're saying. My husband was diagnosed with non operable pancreatic cancer at beginning of December. I too have been with him since I was 17  the waiting for tests and then results due to the Christmas bank holiday etc is torture.  Our heads are spinning and all the while I am trying to hold it together when I'm falling apart inside. Nights are worse as  very often you are unable to sleep due to your thoughts so the following day you feel washed out. Covid 19 has made everything much more difficult, my grown up kids are missing spending time with their dad.  Chemo should have started last week but the biopsies were inconclusive so he had a repeat EUS and more biopsies on Friday, so hope these will give the info the oncologist needs to begin treatment

Hi Dark cherry,

My husband received his incurable cancer diagnosis xmas Eve 2019. All the questions you list are the same ones we had. We could not take it in, it must be someone else. We went through a whole range of emotions. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it, all I can say is baby steps and try and concentrate on the treatment if that is an option.

We tried to cherish every moment that we could together, one good thing with lockdown is that I was able to work from home and be with him 24/7. We even managed to have a holiday together in between lockdowns.

Sadly my husband passed away a month ago. I had started grieving some time before he passed as I knew this time would come, but nothing ever prepares you for the moment you are alone. He was just 52 and the love of my life, my soul mate and best friend. 
x

Hi DarkCherry. My husband is 51 and also has incurable bile duct cancer. He was diagnosed Nov 2019 had surgery & chemotherapy, but the cancer has come back quickly after all he has been through and its in his lymph nodes now, but spreading.  I know exactly where you are coming from. We have had a year to get used to the diagnosis but found out 6 weeks ago it had come back after his last scan. It's totally devastating. I too have felt overwhelmed, tearful, guilty & selfish for thinking how is life going to be without him. I try to focus on him but it's incredibly difficult. It's like a grief for our lost future, our children will grow up without their dad around. It's so painful to think of life without him by my side. I don't really have any answers but have found that the small things help and that each day can be different. We try to go for a walk every day. We hug and kiss. We try to laugh at something even silly things. We read poetry and stories, and play music together. And when the tears come i have to let them fall, this is honesty and I try to share how i am feeling with him and encourage him to do the same. He feels angry and is trying to deal with the fact he will die. I am overwhelmingly sad. The pandemic is making the isolation worse and there is little escaping it or many distractions. But we are still here and still living.  We really try to make the most of everyday but its really hard when you feel so awful to do that. Sometimes I feel i can accept it, other times not. Go easy on yourself.