What do I do?

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

3 May 2012

Hi,

This is my first time on the site and I don't really know what I'm hoping. My mum has been fighting cancer for 10 years and was considered something of a medical miracle, with doctors writing papers on her and nearly hitting the national news. But on Sunday I was informed that the cancer has come back and that she won't win this one: she will have chemo followed by radiotherapy in an effort to extend her life from 1 to 3 years but they just don't know if it will work.

It just feels so unfair. I know I would think this but she is the most amazing, strong woman - she has such a big, kind, intelligent personality and although she seems to be at peace with the way things are I can't help wanting to scream, why can't this have happened to someone more deserving (how can anyone deserve cancer?)? Why won't she be at my wedding or see my children and be the cool grandmother compared to all the 'normal' 'boring' grandparents they will have? I feel like such a terrible person but I keep wishing it on other people so that it were anyone else but her, which is so cruel.

Does anyone have any advise about how to get through this gut-wrenching pain? Every time I wake up there is the second where it's not true and then I remember and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

FormerMember over 12 years ago

I have no words that will make your journey any easier other than taking one day at a time. It's a process we all go through. I am in my 30s with 3 small children and it breaks my heart that I might never see them grow up, but I can only appreciate the time I have and make some fabulous memories for them that will hopefully ease their pain.... I have wished this on others, then wished it on no one. There are no words to describe how this horrid disease destroys people, patients, family and caters. Let's just hope 1 day there will be a cure for all cancers. X
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi janeben, its been a couple of months since mum went into hospital to have a hernia op and 2 weeks later she was told it was terminal, incurable and inoperable, her whole body is riddled, lung,lymph,pancreas,abdominal,liver and a massive tumour, we are all in shock, mum and dad will not talk about it yet, her hair has started to fall out , she is not responding well, seems to have all the side effects to chemo, i am so strong in front of her, but at home, as i live on my own im breaking, im having to lie to my parents as i am off work, so i pretend im on half days, also i am being made redundant, i cant tell them because it will stress them more. so more pressure. I cant believe this is happening,i wake up and the first 20 secs everything is fine then bang, it wasnt a dream, im stoppping myself from crying and thinking bout it, the more i hold it in, the worse the drop when i cry. i cried reading yours as you are feeling exactly same as me. Please please get in touch and you can talk to me and we can help each other, Mandy xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Thank you both so much for your replies. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply back, I don't have internet at home.

I was quite surprised with how much better your replies made me feel. Both in the similarities and in the differences between us, it made me feel that, if nothing else, there are people who you can 'scream' at over the internet who understand what you're going through because we are all going through the same.

And Mandymushe, as soon as I figure out how to send a private message I will drop you an email. I have no idea how I can help but maybe, like me, just having someone who gets what you are going through is enough.

x
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