So it's a year on
I named my tumours the twins as there were two of them and they were growing really fast. My initial diagnosis was grim and for two months life was a whirlwind of tests, consultations, bad news, a radical hysterectomy, a wedding.....then great news my tumours were of low malignant potential. Christmas came and went. I went back to work and just muddled through trying to come to terms with it all, my new body (the scar is impressive) and the menopause, not just any menopause a sudden, life changing, all consuming one!
To some I may come across as ungrateful, seriously I am not. I'm a nurse and fully understand how very very fortunate I am. It's only now I can really express how I feel and start to work through what happened.
I declined counselling, not wanting to open that can of worms, I had, still have so many unanswered questions.
So 14 months on
I have good days mostly some are truly dreadful.
I've spent the last week in the depths of disparity thinking things may have returned, despite a normal check up not so long ago:why-because I have a new job and I had to declare that I knew not of any health reason why I shouldn't be employed. Every little niggle became extraordinarily exaggerated, to the point that I thought my worst nightmare had returned. I was transported back to last September, all those feelings came flooding back and it's clear that I haven't really dealt with any of them. So new year resolution will be to seek some answers, go get some counselling and start living again x
