Wednesday 4th January.
Today has been a day of passing time, I made a huge pan of vegetable soup and some bread this morning just to keep me busy. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my oncologist, I really want to go, but I really don't want to go at the same time.
I lost my Mum ten years ago but I've been thinking about her all day today, I know if she was still here that I would feel calmer. I'm always the 'mother' the sorter outer, the organiser, but she was my mother, my sorter outer, she always made me feel better, always. It's really made me think that I need to be there for my daughters when they have difficult situations to deal with. I don't want them to ever feel like this. My husband is wonderful, and I am blessed to have him, I know lots of people don't have support or go through this alone, but sometimes you do just want your mum.
I have questions to ask tomorrow and I'm guessing I will find out if the lump is behaving. I will feel better when I've been and I know what's going on.
I've had a good few days, feeling positive, but I think that every time there are appointments looming the worry will start about what they will say. It will be part of my life and I need to get used to it.
So I'm going to switch off, watch a film with my husband and hope that tomorrow is a good day.
Stop this ride...I want to get off!!!
