Friday 23 December.
Two blogs in one day, because today has felt like two days, but I am home, with my wonderful husband and little dogs, I am so relieved to be at home.
It was a long morning, more intro antibiotics at 6am, blood tests and blood pressure, temperature. The blood pressure was slightly low but nothing to worry about the nurse said, but as soon as she said that my mind went into overdrive, I convinced myself I would be staying in for Christmas. I really need to stop overthinking things. It doesn't achieve anything.
The blood tests took ages to come back and in the mean time I was chatting to the other ladies who were leaving. There were stories from them and not all cancer related, it made me realise how amazing the human spirit is, we are all battling on, and making the best of the situation but always hoping for better things. There was a lot of laughter during that stay in those couple of days. It's the only way.
I met one beautiful elderly lady, she was a writer and lecturer, her husband and daughter were devoted to her, there every second they could be, and she had been in for a while, they included me in their chat at visiting times and were just so lovely to everyone.
Last night they were told they could take 'mum' home for Christmas weekend, but to call in early today for some scan results that weren't available. I had a dreadful feeling that the scans weren't going to be kind, as she looked so unbelievably frail and weak. I wasn't wrong and
it absolutely broke my heart.
How bloody cruel life can be. I almost wished I'd left before I heard the news, but then when I saw them bringing her back to the ward we just hugged the tightest most understanding of hugs and didn't say anything for a few minutes, we all just cried. I was glad then that I was there, for these people who had been so kind to me. While the nurse got mum ready to go home and arranged the care nurses we sat and they told me a little about their lives, what a lovely family. I didn't help much at all, but at least for a little while they had to wait for home care information they had a tiny little distraction.
So it was a very bitter sweet day, but we all got to go home in the end.
I am now in my bed, in my home and I am looking forward to tomorrow.
I have learned today that I need to look forward to every tomorrow, even the 'ordinary' ones. I could write more but I'm too tired and I really need to be up early to pack a few bits.
Stop this ride...I want to get off.!!!
