The lazy Sunday I never wanted.

This took a lot of courage to reply to your blog. Even though every one goes through different emotions youve helped me understand how my mum must be feeling just now too. She has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and from what you've said in your blog I think I am about the same age as your daughters. I guess I just wanted to say even though we dont know each other I will be thinking of you.x

Hi Jmc 

Its so hard to know how this chemo is going to effect us . i had my first chemo 5 days ago and it has knocked me for 6 i am sleeping , talking alot of rubbish most of the time  and oh man have i got a sore throat this morning .

Your doing a great job please dont feel bad for having things checked out as its much better to do that then ignore it and then have a infection . 

for the record i would ignore the ironing and just give yourself chilling time you have plenty on time further along the road to catch up on ironing its about you relaxing and giving yourself a break .

Just take it steady  hunny .

Maria xxxx

JM, one of the rollercoaster down days, just remember that there will be better days and history doesn't always repeat itself. I understand your worry and it's easy for people to tell you to be positive, just remember that you are positive most of the time and it's quite normal to have worries. Just try to get back on track as soon as possible and good luck with the rest of your treatment. My emotions are up and down like a yo-yo just now and it will take time to adjust mentally. I just hope I get the swallowing difficulties sorted out quickly, then I can eat a bit better. The journey continues. Best wishes and hugs to you and your family

Thanks everyone for your lovely words.

I feel sorry for you reading my miserable blog though! I apologise for that. It surprises me every time people read it.

Today has been a tiny little bit better, at least it wasn't worse.

Thanks again, I'm hoping you've all found managed to find some comfort somewhere today. Xx

Hi Jmc,

This is the first time I have read your blog, I  pop on line to catch up every few days, and remember you being called into the see your onco and you were dreading it,and your treatment plan changed,i too had to have chemo first to shrink my mahoooosive tumour and I had lymph involvement too.

I like you am writing all about this rollercoaster ride we are on,but mine is on paper...will I share it with those who have supported me,cried for me and been there constantly for me ....maybe,but what I wanted to say to you is when I read mine back to my diagnosis and scans and especially my first chemo I felt just like you,i was very sick on my first and I wrote "How the hell have I come to this please,please somebody help me,please make it stop",it doesn.t stop for a while my friend but mine got easier,i found a strength I didn.t know I had,we are all stronger than we think,please don't.t beat yourself up for ringing your nurses I did, twice on my first night after first chemo,so your carriage for your rollercoaster ride will soon be running on all its wheels as your body gets used to all the c**p that's going into it.

My chemo shrunk my tumour from 72mm to 33mm and the one in my lymph they could barely see or feel,i am now 7 weeks post mastectomy,one week into radiotherapy,had my 7th Herceptin last week 10 more to go and have been on Anastrozole for 5 weeks now and I am feeling really good,still get nights when the street lights go off and I cant see forward,but I have three beautiful grandchildren who are my shining lights to get me through the darkness,just as yours will.

Stay strong sister we can do this,on a funny note, all settled after me bath etc, and a knock on the door OMG what do I put on first, me wig,me teeth or me bloody falsie,ah well onward and upward.

Love and hugs

Dee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx