This morning was ok, did the usual routine, didn't even mind the Christmas songs on the radio. We needed to go to the local town as my husband needed some parts to fix the leak in the water pipe. I thought I might as well get him to drop me off so I could get some 'stocking fillers' for my daughters, even though they are all grown up, it was a waste of time, nothing to be had. And I hate it when I see people and they ask 'how are you?' Wouldn't it shock them if I gave them an honest answer. But they are just being kind, and I am being mean.
After a quick lunch we took the motor home out for a drive to fill it up with diesel and to fill up the gas bottles that my husband had fitted at the weekend. I couldn't help thinking that the last time I went in it I was so excited, only three days before the bombshell news. We walked the dogs, it was freezing, but nice to get out and about. We drove along the coast road, it was beautiful, the sea was flat calm. I think we will go out in it Christmas Day. It will be better than being at home on our own, we've never had a Christmas without our daughters at home. We've been so lucky to have them both come home every year.
Back home to get warm, I was ok until I spoke to my brother on the phone, he doesn't mean it, but he upsets me, talking about what ifs, even when I say I don't want to talk about it, he carries on, he had had a drink, I could tell. I know he was trying to help but it brought me right back down. It was about family stuff, he was asking me questions to things I really didn't have answers to, or care about at this time in my life. Then I had to phone my dad, same thing...but at least he tells me to just keep breathing!
After that I got the knitting out to stop me from thinking too much about things. It was nice that the pushchair arrived at my daughters and I got a lovely photo on the phone.
One good thing, my annoying little cough seems to going, but my mouth is getting quite sensitive now but I'm thinking that I'm still pretty lucky with side effects so far though.
This is going to be a very long winter. I wish I could sleep it away. I think I will do some cooking for hubby tomorrow. A nice cake or something. I need something else to do, that's not sitting down.
