Satyrday 1st April 2017
It's been a little while, only because nothing exciting has happened since last time. The side effects of the last chemo session have worn off except for the watery twitchy eyes, a few more lashes have disappeared, but on the plus side they are also growing back and the hair on my head is definitely getting a little thicker and ever so slightly longer.
I've had lovely days out with friends and dog walked a lot, had the neighbours around for a meal and friends around for lunch a couple of times, all while being fairly busy with the holiday lets, so I can honestly say that the chemo hasn't stopped me doing much at all. The tiredness and aches have been manageable and I've slept a better in the last week. I certainly wouldn't want to go through chemo ever again....but apart from the worry about infection, looking back it wasn't the absolute horror story I thought it might be.
So why have I called the blog post 'Second time lucky' because in November I was where I am now, waiting to go into hospital to have the 'lump' removed...only that time I got a phone on the Thursday evening (I was being admitted on the Monday) to ask me to go in to discuss my scan results with the surgeon first thing the next morning. That was the moment when my whole world came crashing down. I'd only just had the bone scan and convinced myself that it'd spread and they weren't going to do the operation because there was no point. I was devastated, what an awful night I had. The out come of the discussion was an MRI to double check the liver (all fine) then chemo first for eighteen weeks then the operation....so here I am waiting again, bag packed, lump shrunk right down, and I'm good to go, pre op assessment done. Fingers crossed I'll be driving to the hospital in forty eight hours.
How have things changed since November?
I've learned to live with walking around with cancer inside me.
I've learned a lot about my friends, and family, not all good, but the good bits outweigh the bad.
I've learned not to jump to conclusions and imagine the worst.
I've learned to except that worry won't change the outcome of my situation.
I won't go on because I've learned so much more, but the important thing is that I am a better person for what I've leaned and if I am blessed with the gift of more time, then I will make good use of what I've learned and put it into action. (That may annoy a person or two!)
The biggest change since November is that I am a Grandma! I love every minute of it and am so looking forward to making up for lost time after the operation. I will be able to visit both daughters without infection worries, chemo side effects spoiling things and taking medication, oh what a complete joy it will be.
My younger daughter is arriving today for a two week stay with her mad Labrador to help with the holiday lets as we will be busy with the Easter holiday makers. That is wonderful, I'm so, so happy about that.
Then when she goes home my other daughter and partner and baby are coming for a few days, she is staying on for a while too when her partner goes back, I will be able to enjoy the baby for the first time whilst not having chemo side effects, that will be another blessing, so whatever happens and however it goes I will have my family with me for quite a while, which is lovely because we live so far away from each other.
So here I go..... the next trip on the rollercoaster ride I never wanted a ticket for.
Stop this ride....I want to get off!!!
