Thursday 15th December
What a rubbish day today has been, and rubbish is putting it politely.
I got a phone call at 7.45pm last night to say that they couldn't process my blood test because the nurse who came out hadn't labelled the samples so they'd arranged for more bloods to be taken this morning, so I was up early, showered and tidied around and waited, and waited, at 12.10pm I phoned the chemo unit to tell them nobody had called yet and they said they'd chase it up. Half an hour later the nurse was there and bloods were taken and labelled correctly this time.
I went down to the local town to get wrapping paper and spent the afternoon making mince pies to take to my daughters and some to take to the chemo unit on Friday for the nurses, I wrapped my daughters birthday present and was looking forward to visiting her on Saturday. We got the Christmas presents wrapped and the stocking fillers done too and I was feeling optimistic, although I'd had a banging headache for most of the day.
Then came the phone call at 5.45pm, the nurse said "very sorry but the blood count wasn't up enough for you to have chemotherapy tomorrow," she was lovely and explained why and said that they would arrange to have them redone on Monday and hopefully I could have the chemo on Tuesday, if not then an injection would be done to raise the blood count and Chemo would then be done on Wednesday.
To say I was devastated would be an understatement, apart from the chemo being cancelled and all the worry with that it was our weekend ruined, the weekend that I was focused on, the one that was keeping me going, so now no birthday visit and early Christmas lunch with my daughter, and no Christmas visit. I phoned my daughter, she was fantastic and said it was obviously very disappointing but my health was the main issue and the only thing that matters, she sent me some photos of the nursery she'd finished and the livingroom they'd finished decorating, it was going to be a surprise for when we got there Saturday, but the photos were lovely to look at instead.
I had such an awful headache that I ran a bath and took a paracetamol, that helped, I put on my pjs and looked for a film to watch, then the phone rang, it was the neighbour who called last week with the flowers, she wanted to call around with a wig she had, it was a real hair one.
I was sat there with my pjs on feeling very sorry for myself and I just couldn't be bothered to get dressed again, and then I cried, I just wanted it all to stop so I could think straight, My husband and I had a cuddle and he told me we would get through it together and that this feeling would pass, and that we would make up for everything next Christmas.
Our neighbour called around with her husband (who is a hairdresser) and I tried the wig on, it felt amazing, it sat on my head and I didn't feel anything hardly, it was soft and light, so tomorrow her husband is going to come and cut it for me as it's too long. I was so touched by their generosity, they chatted for a few minutes and also left some books to read and then they left.
I put most of the mince pies in the freezer and we settled down to watch the film, we both slept through most of it. So I am awake now and writing this blog feeling fed up and annoyed with myself again.
The thing is I wasn't surprised when the nurse phoned, it seems like anything that can go wrong does go wrong, and that I take one step forward and two steps back lately, and that's not going to get me anywhere. So it's going to be a long weekend of nothing to do now but worry. I wish I could sleep through all of this, I just feel as if I've been wrung out and there's nothing left inside, how did I come to this? I did a 5km park run followed by a 20 mile bike ride just a few short weeks ago, I just can't believe it, I feel like I did a month ago and that's not good.
Stop this ride...I want to get off!!!
