It's Monday 14 November, 6pm
Today I am scared, very scared, we left Devon to come back to Wales today, I hated saying goodbye to my daughter, I hated coming home, seems so quiet and empty here. It was the most awful journey of my life, this lump is huge now and very uncomfortable, and its another week until surgery, I don't know if I can handle this anymore. I phoned the breast care nurse on the way home, she was lovely, but said there's nothing can be done before before surgery now, she said I'm probably imagining its got bigger and thats common, but I can see its huge and changed shape.I can understand why she would think I'm imagining it, but I'm not a complainer, I don't like to make a fuss, in fact thats what got me into this mess!
My husband cried and I cried. And everything around us just carried on.
When we got home we had 14 messages on the phone, 8 from my Dad as he's forgets things and phones, the rest from a company offering a free boiler, we have opted out many times but they keep ringing, I feel sorry for them next time they ring, my husband is fuming!
I am being honest here, I wish it was over, Ive prepared myself for the worst, I will be grateful if I can see my daughters at Christmas and my grandson when he's born thats what I'm aiming for now.
CT scan tomorrow, bone scan Wednesday I'm not even scared of them anymore.
I know I said this blog would be honest and contain some humour, but I have no humour right now, and thats not like me. I'm signing off and going to phone my Dad, I will have to answer his questions over and over again, and I'm not in the mood, but he can't help it, I understand that.
Please stop this ride...I want to get off.
