So today is Tuesday 15 November, CT scan day.
I got 5 hours sleep last night, aided by 2 mild sleeping tablets, but I don't care about that, it was like having a 5 hour pass out of this living hell I've found myself in.
I found myself catching up with the washing and sorting out things from our weekend away, I set the cooker timer to remind myself to mix up the liquid to a litre of water at 12 o'clock. Oh my goodness its a long drive to the hospital, I hope I don't need the loo on the way! I have a shewee I bought for our long bike rides in the country lanes, Ive never used it, but today just might be the day.
There was no parking at the hospital, but there were two parking attendants walking around, I think they were really car park bouncers, there to stop fights breaking out over that coveted space. After driving around for an age we gave up, I went on my own to the appointment and hubby went to park the car outside the hospital grounds.
A quick dash to the loo then off to the CT waiting room, I'm pretty sure it was last decorated in the early 1980's, peeling wallpaper, all scuffed and no pictures on the wall, just the darker coloured wallpaper squares of where they used to hang, or is that a new fashion? Every chair had a large stain on it, except for two, I headed for one of them like a bloody guided missile and saved the other one for my husband, hoping he might catch up with me.
Its an old hospital, so busy, depressing waiting rooms, but the atmosphere was good, and the staff were absolutely amazing. Stepping out of the waiting room and into the CT scan room was really strange, out of the eighties and into Star Trek. It was all done fairly quickly, then the walk back to find the car, and the long drive home.
Nothing else to do, it was dark, raining and we were tired, The lump is aching a lot again, and I am worrying, I feel powerless to do anything, this is why I have excepted the worst in my mind, how can it not have spread when its so big and achy? On top of that my dad is phoning me every night, asking about what's going on, he has Alzheimer's, I just wish he would forget this, but it's the one thing he remembers, so I have to go over and over it every night. He can't help it, I understand, but its very wearing.
Well, thats it, just an average day in my new extraordinary out of control rollercoaster life. Please can somebody stop this ride, so I can get off, its scaring me.
