Friday 9th December.
Today I decided to get rid of the mess on my head that used to be my lovely hair. Ever since I can remember people always commented on it, it was thick and wavy, reddish brown in colour. Until a few years ago I hated it, but recently I've grown to like my hair.
Today was the day it had to go, it was coming out in handfuls, so I went upstairs with the clippers and scissors and brushed what I could out and then decided to cut it first. I briefly thought maybe if it was a bit shorter it would feel better and maybe last the weekend, but I soon decided that wasn't going to be the case, so I put down the scissors and the clippers were plugged in and away I went.
I thought a bit strange that up until this moment I'd only ever attempted to cut my fringe and that scared me, and here I was cutting it and taking it almost to the scalp, I wasn't the least bit sentimental or tearful, I guess in this fight for your life journey it changes your perspective on things dramatically.
The clippers had unbeknown to me been left on beard stubble length, so after messing around I went to show my husband explaining that I thought the hair might be down to 1mm, that's when he explained that he'd left them on beard stubble, so now I have looky likey beard stubble on my head.
He did offer to finish the job and get the razor out but that was a step too far for me. It's 2mm and I can deal with that, it'll probably flick off by tomorrow anyhow.
A lovely lady from up the lane called in with flowers, fancy soap and bio oil for me, I was so touched, she stayed for a couple of hours and explained a few facts about cancer, as that's been her career. Plus she'd been through it herself nine years ago. I felt blessed to have such lovely people living close by, everyone has been so kind.
The rest of the day went by quickly, we went to a post box with a normal posting hole and posted the cards from yesterday that wouldn't fit in our local box, then walked the dogs in the woods. I enjoyed getting out for a good walk.
Had a quiet evening,and that was my Friday.
Tomorrow is another day, I wonder what it will bring. I feel that my days are settling down into a routine, the panic and terrors are not far away, but I'm learning to keep busy and focus on the treatment and the positives a bit more now. It's good for my husband, because I can see that he is more relaxed now that he can see I'm not scared all of the time.
Stop this ride...I want to get off!!!
