Wednesday 30th November. It's been a strange day, emotionally up and down like a yo yo. I didn't get enough sleep again, so I thought I'd bite the bullet and ask for some sleeping tablets from the GP. The chemotherapy nurse at the hospital said they should give them to me, and they have kindly put some aside, I am hoping that some more sleep will help me feel more energetic. If not it's a few hours less of worry while I'm asleep. Nothing much to report today, I'm doing the blog early as I am going to try to watch a film later, and get an early night. I tidied up today and tried out the wig and sent my daughters a photo of said wig on my head, they said they thought it looked lovely, just like I'd had a good cut and colour, that pleased me. I made some flapjack for hubby, a little softer this time, then we had lunch and I went to bed for half an hour, I just suddenly felt shattered, I was hoping to get a little sleep, but all I did was lay there and think of awful scenarios, and how I am spoiling everything for my family. So I gave myself a good talking to, had a little sniffle and wrapped up warm and went to find hubby, we walked the dogs around the lane, it was the first time around the lane since the bad news, it wasn't easy mentally, but now that's done it'll be easier next time, I was worried about meeting neighbours and telling them, there aren't many houses here but we know everybody who lives here, they are all such nice people, but as it happened nobody was about, so no explanations needed. I felt much better after getting outside, I don't want to isolate myself, I don't like being on my own now, it really never bothered me before, I am sure I will get used to all of these new feelings soon, and as the treatment progresses and I hopefully start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just count my blessings every day that I have my lovely husband. I'm going to make something for dinner and then try to relax for a bit. That's it for today.
Stop this ride...I want to get off!
