Tuesday March 7th
It's been a few days since I wrote in this blog, I'm still just passing time really, I just want this last chemo session out of the way. I feel okay at the moment, the side effects from dose two have worn off mainly, just the very watery eyes and fingernails being a mess and a bit of tiredness, but the tiredness is probably due to the fact that I haven't had a decent nights sleep for ages. I seem to get about 4-5 hours, but it's mainly snoozing as I get up to go to the loo about three times!
It's usually in the middle of the night when the fears about the cancer spreading creep in, and the frustration that a couple of relatives just treat me like I've got a case of the flu, anyway if I get through this one day I shall tell them nicely that if I had a penny for all the times they'd made me feel worthless during this treatment, I'd actually be worth quite a lot by now. Probably I won't though. I think things always magnify in the middle of the night.
I'm at my younger daughters until Thursday, then back for holiday makers coming on Friday, then blood test Monday and hopefully chemo Tuesday. I say hopefully as I'm dreading my bloods not being good enough. I'm shoving spinach and vegetables/ fruit down my throat desperately trying to do anything I can to help, when all I really want is cake!
It's lovely visiting my daughter, I think I've been visiting one or the other after each chemo session, so time really has flown by.
If all things work out I should be having the lumpectomy four weeks today, scary thought, but I want it done. It will be a huge relief. The pre op assessment has been rearranged three times now, I hate getting 'unknown' come up on my mobile, I just know it'll be the hospital.
Anyway, as I said, I am passing time, until Tuesday14th, I know that after the last chemo wears off comes the op, after the op comes radiotherapy....then what? Probably the wait for results, then....I suppose that's the scary bit, the trying to get used to a new way of thinking and living. I can visit my grandson more, that's the best bit. I need to get back to cycling, walking, rebounding as soon as I can, I have missed the exercise. Not long now, I'm so, so looking forward to no more chemotherapy and everything that goes along with it.
Stop this ride....I want to get off!!!
