The AFP tumour markers are going down 1,600 to 269 to 117 and then this week they are 54. Good news they keep telling me. Which is true. I also know a lot more people are going through a lot worse than me with all sorts of stuff. I should be cock-o-hoop. However I'm not as I'm still off work and am just waiting and waiting for each Wednesday test results to be announced. I've been demoted from the Doctor to the Registrar to a Key Worker. As they gradually demote me in the order of seriousness against other cases. Which is right. But I still have this nagging fear the numbers will stop going down at some week before it has reached 7 (or below). Its a waiting game, and day time TV is beginning to do my nut in. Homes Under the Hammer, Place In The Sun, Escape To The Country. All great programmes, but each one is the same format day in and day out, and each like each other.
Friends have now started visiting again which has cheered me up. At first it was family and slowly they have returned to their lives and friends now have filled the void and pop round to tell me the work gossip and what they are up to. Whether its what their children are up to and the issues in getting children to bed and sleep at night to what they are doing at the weekend. You find out as well who are the real reliable friends, from the faux friends. I'm saddened by some friends who have not uttered a word, and others who have offered help and kind words have lifted my spirits. Normality is creeping back into life, but still I'm waiting for each week to pass. Hope is returning to my pea like brain and I've started buying Christmas presents for family and friends. When I was confronted with the news of my tumour I thought I never would see Christmas. Hope had gone. Now it is returning. I would go into detail on what I have got my ever present and lovely partner, but suspects she may read this. Lets just say Santa has said that the B&Q power drill is a maybe, if you are good. No more 5 litres of anti freeze this year. I've learnt my lesson from Christmases past.
I also have a dilemma of the modern age to deal with. Facebook and social media disclosure. Before the tumour I had regularly updated Facebook with odds and ends and had enjoyed reading others posts on the site. However I'm not sure how much I want people to know I have got testicular cancer. There are two main parts to this, one is the cancer and second is the fact I'm a uni-testicled male than will soon be 'sans balls' in a few weeks. I am not ashamed of what I have, or what I shortly will be with out. But do I want it to define me. Friends and colleagues who have asked have been given a straight answer and told the majority of the details. Missing out some of the more depressing and low points in my journey. As I now have a 'journey' surely an audition on X Factor is a must! Friends reactions have been sympathetic and better than I imagined and feared. There are the odd jokes about scrotum's and testicles, but these are with humour and largely self depreciating to the person talking. So how much do I post on Facebook, or do I remain silent until I'm cured and then carry on as if nothing has happened? If anyone has any suggestions/advice then let me know. For the moment I'm in stealth mode whilst I'm waiting. I may have mentioned that before that I'm waiting.
On the upside of the waiting and worrying, I have managed to be up to date on the washing, hoovering and even cleared up a bit. The house has never looked better. Just the ironing to do. But I might leave that for next week as a little break from the daytime TV
For those wanting an update on the Ridgeley testicle then he is doing fine in his last few weeks in my body. I've let him know that we will be parting ways, but whilst its sad it is better for us both. When I say both, I mean me. He can't carry on playing a solo gig when we all know he will turn bad and become like the long lost George Michael testicle. The lack of Ridgeley's testosterone output is being nicely supplemented by the testosterone gel. Applied every morning like a ritual of rubbing down a portly turkey in butter before Christmas. Its become the norm and has now added to the morning routine. Out of the two specialists and one generalists I'm seeing then the testosterone level doesn't seem to be a major concern to them. I've read on this site a few accounts of similar situations occurring where as soon as the symptoms of limited or no testosterone are diminished, then this is seen as being job done by the medical profession. However I'm sure I'm not sure Ill fully back to the levels I was a few years ago. Apparently I have to wait three months before they will test my levels and see how I'm doing. I don't want to over do the gel and and have a permanent duvet tent when I sleep, but neither do I want to never get an urge. I might push this with the GP again and see if we can come to an agreement of a test in the next month.
For those doing the maths then if I was 54 on the AFP count this week and the number halves every week then the date to aim for is the 26 November. I have a temptation to graph these numbers out, but think that would be going too far. I'm not really that bored, I'm just bored of waiting!
