From chronic depression...to leukaemia...

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've had to put up with. Though I've never had an 'official' nervous breakdown, there have certainly been times in my life - both as a teenager and an adult - when I've come close to one and, like you, have had no one to turn to.

Though support at those times is a great thing to have, I suspect many people don't have it, if only because no one realises what we're going through, and we may not even feel we can tell them. But it does make it so much harder to deal with.

Like you, I was diagnosed with CLL this month - just a few days ago - and I'm still finding it tough to come to terms with. I do have people I can talk to, but we're all still alone in our heads, aren't we? 

I'm hoping that being in this group - and hopefully being able to 'chat' with other people in the same boat - will help.

CLL is such an odd form of cancer. Incurable, but not necessarily as bad as many others. We may not need treatment for ages, and, if we we do, there seems to be a fair amount available. I believe they're making great progress all the time in this field, so fingers crossed we get even better news in the future.

I hope things get easier for you. You're right - life needs to go on. I am finding that hard just now - but I'm sure it will get better. There are times when I'm wrapped up in something and I genuinely forget it. Then I come out of whatever I'm doing and remember. That's still hard.

Hopefully we can all help each other - and we'll still be having these sort of conversations (but with a much brighter outlook) in 30 years' time! 

Keep your chin up!

All the best,

Jim

Jim,

when you think that there is not much more in life that can surprise you, there is another twist and alas, a pleasant surprise. I have read your profile, with interest I might add and more so with a smile on my face, not because of the sad things you had to endure of course, far from it, but that you still shine a light underneath that mantle of sadness that you must feel. Forgive me if I'm being too presumptious.

I wasn't really expecting anybody to read my blog since I only joined yesterday when I had a stroll around the site and thought it a good idea to write something but not sharing anything too medical, not something I would enjoy doing anyway since I'm rather a private person, so you came out of the blue, and I must say yours was a joy to read, intelligently written and very thoughtful.

I don't often talk about my nervous breakdown but as I get older I came to realize that it is not healthy to hold things back. My chronic depression is most likely inherited, not something I knew when I was a child, who does, not that it would have made things any easier of course. Life became harder since I had to carry a weight around with which I had not bargained with hence the paths I took a decisive twist when it came to crossroads because of it. But enough of depression and other ailments for now.

You acted quickly once you received your diagnosis. I haven't. I'm still sorting my head out and I was told just over two weeks ago. I was given a booklet which I haven't read yet, nor have I spoken to a Macmillan nurse or went to see them. I'm not in denial but I need time to get my head round it all. There are other things going on as well, and sadly, chronic depression doesn't go away unfortunately.

I just wanted to say Jim, if you are struggling to cope with it all and are worried about a nervous breakdown, talk, talk to anybody, me on here, whoever, but do not keep it to yourself. I made that mistake once since I thought I could deal with it all by myself but in the end it got too much and once it hits you it is not a pleasant experience, and of course there is not to say it can't hit one a second time and that would be something nobody wishes on anybody.

All my best wishes