Well it's late early hours in the morning, actually 00:39. I've not been asleep yet since my 3 hours sleep last night. I got to sleep at 3:00am this morning until 6.15am. I am actually really drained and tired... But sleep isn't happening at least for a bit longer.. I try everything to relax not working now I just lay in the dark stating, while my head goes round in circles so worried, stressed and scared about my mom being terminally ill, no more can be done for them too help, trying to enjoy time, but cannot help thinking about the day she won't be here, us living without her, no child would ever imaged that... But I so do now, nightmares and visual images quite scary, got to the point now were I feel low, cry on and off, have outburst out of no where and struggling to cope. Even being scared to sleep, I feel so angry and useless, wish I could change it take away all the pain and that for her. I mean at college this afternoon I freaked out and broke down, my support had to go and get my tutor as she is my go to person I talk too, I got so overwhelmed, then I didn't know why but I remember now I had a image and words pop in my head, it was that she died I never got to say goodbye because I was at college and my dad rang me. Thankfully it wasn't real and it's okay. I finding hard to see her have bad days where she is drained and in pain it honestly terse me apart makes me cry inside. But I don't at home I stay strong for her and my 18 year old sister. College and in my room alone is honestly a different story just tears streaming down my face. I want a miracle or magic powers. I love my mom so much... Does anyone feel this way? I know I need help :/ driving myself crazy just want to be my old bubbly self again were has she gone, everyday is a struggle x
