Sorting things out

Less than one minute read time.

FormerMember

9 Jun 2016

Hello,

It has been 5 months now since mum passed away, there has not been one day I haven't thought about her. So many things remind me of her, silly things like songs or seeing a pair of shoes she would of loved. Each day is a battle.

Little things I'm struggling with is like going to advice, mum helping me out making my decisions for me and helping me pick an outfit for events. Things that my friends can do with their mums. It's not the same taking your dad into town to try and find a dress, mums know best.

My dad has mentioned about clearing mums things out, I think he finds it hard seeing it everyday he said he thinks she's going to come home.Which breaks my heart, but I don't think I'm ready to get of her things yet, dad says why don't I keep a few things but I want to keep all of them!

Has anyone had to do this? say goodbye to loved ones things? how did you deal with it the best? I think I want to do it alone but not sure that is a good idea.

Bye for now

FormerMember over 8 years ago

So sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad to cancer 5 years ago. It was really hard to get rid of his things but we did in the end except for his dressing gown that I kept until last week. It was very comforting to wear it and made me think of him, but to be honest I thought of him everyday anyway. I have his picture in my hallway, a lovely smiling picture and say goodnight every night. I know he is looking down on me. You need to do what is right for you and you may feel differently over time, but your mum will always be in your heart. Wishing you all the very best, Mo
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FormerMember over 8 years ago

First things first, big hugs to you JemmaP Like MoLo I lost my dad a few years ago. I didn't believe anyone at the time, so I don't expect you to believe me either, but I'll say it anyway - it won't always feel this hard or hurt so much. I think about my dad every single day, and sometimes I have a really good cry. A lot of the time I just don't accept it's happened, I toddle on in life like he's just on holiday or working away from home, and then inevitably it hits me like a tonne of bricks that it really did happen and it hurts. But you will be okay.

We planted a tree in memory of my dad, 4 years ago today in fact, and I call him Papa Oak. I visit him whenever I can, I talk to him, I take photos with him - today I even wished him happy birthday.

Do you have somewhere that you can be with your mum - a special place just for the two of you? If you do, visit it. If you don't, why not find somewhere that you think she would love and make that a place you can spend time with her, with your thoughts and your memories.

In regards to your mum's stuff, I kept a few things of my dad's - things like the mug he used every day and one of the t-shirts that reminded me of him. You'll want to hold on to everything, perhaps for now you could ask your dad if there is a space you can store it all so it's not too hard for him having to see it, but not too final for you either. Perhaps go through it together with him, relive memories that are associated with her things and maybe that will help you pick out the things that really do mean the most to you.

Wishing you all the best, we're always here xxx
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