2 years ago my younger brother was diagnosed with gland cancer. It was in the very early stages so he had chemo, radiotherapy and surgery. It completely broke my heart but as a family we got through it together. I went to every appointment and was there by his side every step of the way. He is now recovering from surgery really well and is now 99% cancer free! Before we got this good news about a year ago, my dad was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer. My whole world came crashing down. My dad is my everything. I cannot imagine my life without him. He has had chemo, a trial drug and radiotherapy. The cancer has spread and there is nothing we can do apart from make the time he has left with us as happy as it can be. Again I went to every appointment and am always by his side. Even though I do everything I can as daughter and sister, I feel so helpless.
During this time I lost my grandmother on my mums side and my cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is having chemo and surgery. Throughout all of this, I was battling with my own illness for almost 10 years. I am bulimic. I got help and am now recovering. I know I have to stay strong to be strong for my family. Just before this all started, I got together with an old friend. Things were good but then I found out he was still married and a gambler. He moved into my house and got me in debt while all this was going on with my family. He never comforted me or supported me in anyway. A few weeks ago my dad was admitted to hospital and he said to me that he wanted to leave this world knowing that his little girl was going to be OK. I knew then that I had to leave this man. So I did and now Im all alone. Even though my family and friends have been very caring, I have never felt so lonely in all my life.
I go to work and go to see my dad. I help my mum with the house and give them massages before I go home to an empty house and cry myself to sleep every night. I haven’t told work so I go in and pretend Im “normal”. I talk to my family and close friends about how Im feeling but nothing helps. I meditate with my dad, which helps my mind and brings us closer together.
I know there is literally nothing I can do but look after myself and be strong for my family. What prompt me to do this was Father’s day… it might he is last and even now that I am writing this I cant even think…
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
