I am 23 young lady, I have cerebral Palsy effects both my legs and arms, I can walk still, short distances, at home and in the classroom at college, otherwise I go around in my wheelchair. I study at college Retail Level Three. This is my escape and place to let of steam...
Anyway 4 years ago as a family we had some news, which was my Mom has an inoperable brain tumor, which I knew then I can never be removed. So all she could have was intense Chemo and Radio, which she has undergone the past four years on and off when she really needed it, so when the tumor had woken and grown, this was to keep it under control. Now in 2016 thankfully she is still with us and still fighting, but can no longer have anymore intense Chemo and Radio because it is killing her body inside and she only has one kidney and others which aren't very good, so now she is just on the low tablet dose of Chemo tablets and head tablets for her balance as well as other pain relief. Even though we take each day as it comes and enjoy every moment, I am so scared and worried about her and what the future brings for us.... I would never imaged a day where she would no longer be here one day when we wake up.. I am not really coping very well, I am bottling up all my emotions, juggling things coping and understanding this along with everything else too. I sleep about the maximum of 5 hours each night because of the recurring nightmares and thoughts. Although the thoughts are more daytime/evening with images... so horrifying. The lack of sleep and thoughts are now starting to have a knock on effect of my daily moods, up and down, feeling low then high. .I don't know what to do honestly I wish so much each day that I could take it all away for my mom make her feel better and pause time. No one talks about it at home we just enjoy time and I don't talk at home how I am feeling either, the only support and place I talk is at College to my tutors, Reanne, April and Karen also some close friends, apart from that I bottle up everything and sit in silence where my mind just goes round in circles, I have a stress ball which I squeeze when I feel anxious. I hope someone can help...
