21st October 2015. It has been a few weeks since my last post and time seems to have found its wings at last. In fact, after complaining about time dragging, it is now ironic that I don't have enough hours in the day to fit in everything before my chemo starts this coming Friday! I have been overrun with numerous hospital appointments, lunch dates with friends and general preparation before my medication starts. Coupled with this, I also found out last week that I have classical hodgkin's lymphoma (stage 2A) as opposed to non-hodgkin's which I was I was told I had just the previous week. Cue another shift in mindset. Having said this, this change has come as somewhat of a relief, as even though I knew the non-hodgkin's was treatable, my 5 year survival rate is now 95+% and my oncologist is extremely confident that he will be able to cure the disease with only limited chemotherapy and radiation treatments.
Two days prior to my chemo I am now feeling extremely nervous. I know this seems silly given my excellent prognosis, and I imagine to terminal patients this also seems extremely selfish, but I just don't cope well with the unknown. I am an organised person who likes to plan everything out, and whilst I have done this by reading forums and buying recommend tablets, supplements, shampoos etc. the one message which keeps drumming home to me is that everyone reacts to differently to chemotherapy. I have visions of me crawling around on the floor being sick like the girl from the Exorcist, and whilst I know that this is unlikely, it could happen right?! I am also having a PICC line inserted tomorrow as I have extremely small veins, and the thought of someone threading a tube through a vein makes my head spin (a fitting extension of the Exorcist metaphor I feel!). I suppose it has all very suddenly become real for me. It felt like treatment would never start a few weeks ago, and perhaps I subconsciously clung on to the thought that it was all fantastical.
Will update after the dreaded poisons enter my body on Friday...
