I feel perhaps this is not appropriate as I am starting the blog at the end rather than the beginning.
In September 2013 I was happy, just been on a Mediterranean cruise and life seemed fine. One little worry that Ray seemed to have lost a lot of weight but he assured us he was fine.
October he went for a flu jab and I asked him to tell Doctor about the weight loss. He did but it was not followed up.
Then he got a chest infection and this time GP gave forms for blood test and x-Ray.
Two days later the nightmare began. Blood test showed anaemia so a quick appointment for colonoscopy and endoscopy together. We only waited a week, all the time fearing bowel cancer. I was invited to the result afterwards and the Doctor announced no sign of bowel cancer- relief !!! BUT he had found an ulcer in his stomach. - well we thought Ulcer not so bad. I could not understand why the nurse looked so compassionate but shrugged it off.
Appointments followed for a CT scan and a visit to the Consultant. Meanwhile I was scanning Dr Google (I know we don't do that!!!) and had a good idea this was not quite what we were expecting. Ray continued to play golf oblivious to the scenario that was unfolding.
November visit to the Consultant - Opening words were "now you have been told already that you have Stomach Cancer" Errrr No - rewind we were told an "ulcer".
The rest is a bit of a blur I remember he said "inoperable" and drew a picture of the rotten invader and that horrid feeling of my worst nightmares being realised. Then followed the words more tests to establish full picture and chemo and maybe, just maybe an op to remove it.
We drove home and when we waliked in I remember Ray pulling me into his arms and saying " I am going to die aren't I ?" Those were the worst words I ever heard in my whole life because I knew they were true but I had to pretend for Ray that they were not. I never shared with him the information I discovered unless it was hopeful but my grieving started on that day.
