Hello, so many people have posted and blogged about their cancer on here. Many have huge problems, that seem far more serious than mine. Its a little depressing, and I feel a bit of a fraud to be honest.
I wasn't going to bother, but then I considered that there may be people out there in the same boat as me, looking for something a little less daunting, so here is my (rough ) diary and journey, if it helps or encourages just one person then that's it job done :-)
I've put my thoughts in those square bracket things.
so just before Christmas, i notice a little bump next to my nipple, [oh I thought Ive got a spot, or little boil, Ill just keep an eye on it.]
No change so 21st jan went to see doctor. ' its probably nothing, but we'll just send you for a mammogram.your due one in the next 6 months anyway'
9 feb. appointment arrives for breast clinic, say they are sending me for mammogram and ultrasound - feel a little alarmed, but think [ its ok theyre just being cautious.]
23 feb, mammogram, deffo a little shadow there, was a bit difficult to get the angle on it.
2 march. Ultrasound. 'oh theres two little lumps there, we'll just take a biopsy to check ' [ whaat? no one mentioned that ] [owch that hurt ] [ still blissfully hopeful its nothing to worry about]
10 march. results day. ' come in, sit down, this is nurse' ( sitting in chair behind me) [ uh oh, this doesn't look good] Well we've looked at the biopsy and there are 2 lumps one 1.5 and one 0.5, they are grade one cancer . OH CRAP. ( spoken loudly) they are hormone receptive [ err?] more discussion continues regarding options, ........we think the best way to deal with this is with a mastectomy. and hormone treatment to reduce it occurring in other breast. [ok, cut it out and get on with life] we think you would be a good candidate for immediate reconstruction... there ensues discussion about all the options... come back on Monday and tell your decision, [ i know exactly what i want but I'll wait anyway to discuss with family] long chat with Macmillan nurse, who had as much time for me as i wanted, despite it discretely being obvious she had a lot of other stuff to do.
went to primark and bought motivational saying thin jumper, and couple of bra vest tops which turned out to be looser than i thought. feeling surprisingly upbeat.
print off motivational posters, printed them off all on one page [idiot] bit small, but stuck by front door.
14 march. decision made. lymph node tests, followed by (if clear) mastectomy and reconstruction. [ dont get too far ahead, they need to be free of cancer cells to avoid chemo or radiotherapy, or it'll all got up the swanny] made myself a big heart shaped pillow, as i read that these are useful to put under arms.
24 March pre op assesment.
29 march [ urgh who put a bank holiday in there] nuclear medicine department, injected a marker so they can easily see where they will operate. the girl was really nice. drove there and back singing Radioactive, by Imagine dragons. [ i must be slightly mad]
30 march. lymph node surgery, day surgery. they looked at my boob and drew on it. sat for ages starving and thirsty, blood pressure test was absolutely sky high [ thought i might explode] chatted to the girl next to me who had an amazing scarf piled on top of her head, she had already had chemo, and young kids, i wondered how she coped, thought how devastating for young women to go through this. chatted to an older woman, cant remember what she was in for, but she seemed to be going in and out of hospital a lot. 3.30 arrived, and I was walked down to the pre op room. they did a few checks, and put cannula in hand, i expressed a fear of not waking up, they said you'll be fine, and zonk i was out of it.
I stirred, my head was swimming, i feel sick, 'roll over' and a jab went in my bum. a few minutes later i was being almost force fed water, and offered tea and biscuits, the biscuits were far too sickly, but I slowly came round, I was the only one left in the ward, i was fussed over, until my lift home came.
was very tired for a couple of days, and I know they said blue dye would be used, but omg how blue was it. same colour and intensity as the facebook logo.oh, and the dog did not want to know me at all.
7 april. results. 2 lymph nodes removed, no cancer. [ thank you God for that ] I am feeling very lucky and happy. [ cant understand why I am feeling so up beat] [maybe its all the messages of support people have been sending me, and allowing me to let off steam on their forums, even when i dont know them personally. not cancer forums, but some have also had health issues, and yes one cancer pal, who is worse off and ahead of me on the road.] made myself a throw with Ikea blanket and some patchwork hug hearts sent from patchwork club friends. took a few days to feel normal, sore arm from the dressing rubbing on it, and a stinky armpit, as i couldnt was under the dressing.
more to follow..
