Cancer cancer cancer flashed in my mind like a neon sign in the local takeaway. Why when everything is going well should I feel so bad?
In 2014 I had stage 4 penile cancer. I had four hours to contemplate the amputation of my penis before it actually happened. But think about it I did not, I just wanted to live. Despite the odds being less than favourable I am here today, having had a penectomy, node dissection, radiotherapy and chemotherapy so really I should be so empowered and full of life.
Not really. But why. Well physical I am doing well but cancer is not all about the physical treatment the psychological damage done to you and yours is huge and that journey is just beginning.
A few months after treatment finished I crashed big time. Work was a chore, fatigue was huge,no social inclination at all,hobbies left to one side and generally felt really bad about myself. I was looking for my old life but could not find it, it was gone.l was lost.
I needed help.
The samaratins I was told,,no I am not suicidal just lost. Try your local cancer centre,, no I have social phobia issues and being as my cancer is so rare and intimate how could I face that.
Through health in mind I am now getting the support I need, I am lucky, it appears the right person has found me wandering around the wilderness and is now helping me on my path to find the new me and so another chapter starts.
