Well it’s been a couple of months since my last little blog and life continues to bounce me around with ups and downs. One seems to focus more on the downs and less on the ups but I guess this is a fairly natural response to any sort of trauma. I am slowly discovering the new me – for sure I have changed , I often look for the “old me” but I just can’t find him ,so, slowly I am embracing the new one and learning the things that are important now. It’s a hard journey trying understand my new life and the new challenges that it presents me with.
I am now approaching the 2nd anniversary of my Penectomy. Two years without my little friend. People say I bet it has been a long two years but honestly looking back it does not feel that way - despite the huge ordeal we have been through and the toughest of toughest recover no – two years seems to have past fairly quickly . Perhaps this is just a reflection of one ageing in years.
It is still very hard to comprehend what has happened and at times feels un real , sometimes you wake in the morning forgetting what has happened but a quick feel around brings you back down to earth with a thump.
Therapy continues and is a very important part of my life just now, I have said before and will say again, a cancer is two conditions, the physical and the mental. I guess a huge number of people touch by cancer physically look fine and show no outward signs but mentally, deep down, we are all scarred by this disease. A lot of energy goes in to fighting the physical but I wonder if enough is done to support the emotional condition. I had such a battle to find the right people to help me - don’t get me wrong the nurses and consultants have been fantastic but the deep wounds I have mentally need a special touch.
Over the last few months I have made some new friends from around the globe - some in very similar positions to myself, nice to know one is not alone. Efforts are being made to raise awareness of this condition as it is often not diagnosed early enough. As with many cancer early diagnoses leads to far better results and less dramatic surgery.
I recently like many I guess started to watch the BBC’S programme” The Big C and Me”. A touching programme, sympathetically made and a real insight into our world of cancer. I have wondered though what the programme would have been like if they had chosen my story to follow and feature. “So David you have penile cancer and we are going to amputate your penis” Would this have sent people for the off switch , would it have been to traumatic to follow – I certainly would not be going into theatre under local! Big respect to all featured in this for sharing tough days with us all.
So in a few weeks we go for the big one, the two year scan. It won’t be long before scanxiety will start, as it does every time – a little less each time but it is still there.
