Good morning all - at least I think it is morning the last few hours have all been a blur and I decided to begin writing this blog to give me a chance to get my thoughts out there and speak to some other people so please do comment and contact me.
I thought I would start by giving you a bit of background about me. I am 54 years in this world and have been married for 35 of those years to the same person. We have two fantastic sons of 33 and 30. I have a daughter in law, the most beautiful granddaughter and another grandchild on the way and my youngest sons girlfriend in my daily life. Not many close friends, but most of the time that doesn't worry me.
My mum had breast cancer in the early 90's and then almost 8 years ago she died of secondary bone cancer. I have always been careful about checking my boobs as I had a hysterectomy following bad endometriosis about 11 years ago and due to the most horrendous menopause and after trying all manner of alternative treatments made the decision to go on HRT. I did know the risks but have never been offered any support to stop taking it - my biggest question to myself is did I bring this on ? I know I will never get this answer from anyone but that's what is currently in my head and I just needed to get it out ther. There it is......
I have been suffering with arthritis in my right hip for a couple of years and finally last year was told I could have a new hip and then 1 week prior to the booked surgery was told my hip wasn't bad enough and instead of a new hip,they sewed a labrum tear, stapled it in and sent me on my way. This didn't fix the issue and I have been fighting then for the year to try to get hip surgery. In the middle of all,of this continued and constant hip pain stopping me leading a normal,life, I just forgot to check. As simple as that. Nothing else I can say really my life became absorbed by the daily pain in my hip and I forgot my regular checks...... That was until last week when I accidentally found a lump. Immediately contacted the Dr went for an appointment, got seen yesterday for a core biopsy and was told almost definitely breast cancer just need to wait for the results but doesn't look promising.
What now I ask myself?
How do you tell your family and friends?
Why do you? It's not like they can do anything but worry about you.
How do you tell your work colleagues? I was off sick for 3 months last year with my hip. Looks like I am going to be off again. - it's not very fair to them is it.
What can anyone do or say?
I'm supposed to be going back to discuss treatment next Thursday and on Sunday am supposed to be going on a girly holiday with my best friend to Abu Dhabi. Do I still go? The Dr said yes they won't be taking me for another couple of weeks and it will take my mind off it! Really, will,it. How do they know. Will anything take my mind off it?
Do I go? My heart says yes. Who knows if I will get this chance again? Do I tell my friend before I go? Whilst we're there? Or when we get back?
My husband says we can fight this and I am up for fight honest I am but what do you do daily, hourly every waking minute to take your mind off it?
How do you sleep?
The pain from my hip and the inability to find any pain killers that work makes sleeping hard at the best of times! The fact I have now come off of HRT has sent me straight into hot flush nightmares and sweaty nights flushes that are horrendous! and now, welcome to breast cancer.
Sorry, I have said lots and gone on far to long but to anyone who does read this and want to get in touch please do.
This post has enabled me to get everything off my chest - both of them whilst they are still there - hasn't killed my humour anyway so that's something.
I will post again when I need to.
If anyone knows some good relaxation music that I can download on to my iPad that would be great.
Bye for now
