Lost my hair after 1st chemo, thought I would have it alot longer. Notice eyebrows thinning! Wearing hats as wig made me paranoid, just thought its gone why hide the fact, lady in my local Tesco express asked to see my head, when I took my hat off she stroked it, strange.
I feel I limbo. Life stood still since February 25th. 4 more lots of chemo then radiation therapy and tablets to stop my dam hormones changing my cells. I'm tired, I'm fed up and I want to think past this section of my life.
summer here but I feel that this has taken over my enjoyment. Waiting for district nurse to flush, self injecting steroids and blood tests, appointments endless, the only post i get seems to be from the hospital.
felt a lump on my right breast the other day think I'm paranoid now, and that's one thing I tried so hard not to be. Lefts gone, now an implant. Must admit its nice thinking that one wont sag! Will get the consultant to check right one next appointment when she pumps the left one up.
now I feel my life will full of checking and worrying, full of maybe and what if. Am I now prone to cancer, will it get me in the end, or was it a one off bad much that the MacMillan nurse told me.
when chemo finishes summer will be over, my favourite season. Too tired to garden and no enthusiasm to try. Don't want to right off this year as years are precious life is precious, I want to enjoy the swallows that come every year while a bbq it on and kids laughing but too tired.
don't get me wrong, I am thankful and ever so grateful for having the cancer cut out, but I want life to resume and my mojo back. I want to enjoy my kids I am the only one they have and I try to make them feel safe and secure. Mum be ok, family will be fine, and I will be making sure your lives are not disrupted, as you are my everything.
I just want to learn to enjoy life again like before this light bolt struck.
