Hi again hope I am not boring you with my journey but I have actually found this very therapeutic which I am shocked about because I use to hate writing but anyway on to the next phase the radiation blaster - as I called it but my mum kept saying radium no matter how many times you corrected her. It became the running joke with text messages between friends over my 3 weeks how is the radium going!
Along with my planning date I got a radiotherapy evening invite to come along and see what goes on. My husband ask did I want to go I said too right this is the only thing since the started that I can decide on something so I was going! Maybe not the right reason for going but it was mine. So off we trotted and to be honest I was glad I did. They took us on a tour and explained everything that would or might happen. They introduced me to some very scary machines from another planet and poor teddy was the patient for the evening. Again I was the youngest there and I found myself looking at everyone and thinking I wonder who the cancer patient is and what they had. As if we would all have signs around our necks "I have breast cancer" . Actually I remember after being diagnosed and walking through the city centre feeling as if I was wearing Madonna's pointy bra with a neon sign pointin going to my boob flashing breast cancer this way .....silly I know but cancer plays a lot with your head.
The day of the planning arrived and off we trotted again. I felt sorry for my husband who I think read all the magazines in the centre along with all the posters on the walls since there was nothing he could do but honestly him just being there was fantastic. Stupidly I got dressed up for the appointment and spent most of my time undressing, dressing, undressing, dressing. I needed a lie down for that alone.
Then it was time for my three tattoos that was the bit I was dreading. Up on the bed being moved one way and then the other with what I can only described as green disco lines I received my lifelong tattoos which was not as bad as I thought although the one on my left side was a bit stingy because she had to repeat it a couple of times. I showed them to my husband who said they looked like blackheads. Thanks for that...lol!
I was due to get 15 blasts over 3 weeks and my first session started with sitting in a very packed waiting room watching and listening to amazing people just getting on with their lifes. I kept thinking you need to be like that your cancer is small compared to them. As some of you are well aware this thinking is hard to keep up with when your mind starts to play and the anger sits in.
The nurses in the centre were fantastic and the wonderful thing was that they knew you by name you were not just a number. I remember going in for my second treatment and there was a male nurse who took my details and left. The next day he was coming down the corridor and greeted me using my name. I thought that is amazing the amount of people coming and going and he remembered my name. Then Mr Mind chirped in maybe there is a reason he remembers your name something is wrong. I am going to have to stop Mr Mind being outspoken!
The three weeks came and went and I managed to keep working throughout my treatment apart from the last two days. I went into work as usual after my treatment and around 10 the blinds started to come down within 5 minutes I was so tired I could have just laid down on the floor under my desk and slept. Thinking this was not a good idea I went home. Driving with the windows down and singing to try and keep awake. Maybe not one of my best ideas to drive but I needed to get home and I probably amused the other drivers on the way. I abandoned the car in the drive and crawled into the house whatever way I landed on the sofa was the way I stayed fast asleep for 5 hours. When I woke, reluctantly, it was even harder getting up. My very complimentary husband said I was like a slinky sliding my feet on the floor then my legs and carrying on until I flipped onto the floor.
i was halfway through my treatment and the nurses said my skin was looking really well. She spoke too soon. Within two days I felt as if I had been sitting out in the sun for days. I had what looked like a red square right across my boob and under the arm and my nipple well out of everything that was the worst. It came to the point that I was afraid to move because it hurt so much. So for anyone who sunbathes topless make sure you use total sunblock as it is not worth it!
On the last day of my treatment the nurse asked how I was coping and I said the same words as I told everyone "I am fine thanks getting there". Then out of no where my body betrayed me again I started to cry and boy did I cry and in the middle of the busy waiting room at that. The nurse led me into her room probaby afraid I was going to frighten everyone in the room. I also think I used up a whole box of tissues. When I eventually calmed down I apologised as I had no idea where it had come from. She said this happens to a lot of people at the end of the treatment to the point they have given it a name which I can't remember as I was too busy having an episode. She also told me that I would probably have more emotional episodes for awhile.
Just what I need an emotional roller coaster with my outspoken Mr Mind riding along........
