I had my 3 monthly review this morning which I have been terrified about all week. I was asked to complete a questionnaire on my feelings a week before I attended the review.
So last Monday I decided that tiredness was my main concern and anxiety was not present. How things can change in such a short time, by last night (Sunday) my anxiety was through the roof and tiredness was not present.
What changed ......... nothing apart from Mr Mind deciding that I was not listening enough to him. For the first time since all this started I woke up on Wednesday morning feeling really awake and had 3 days of no tiredness (which is unheard off I actually forgot what it felt like). Mr Mind decided that he was not happy so by Sunday he had convinced me that I had IBC symptoms (which turned out to be a stretch mark I can laugh about this now) and the lump on my neck was lymphoma.
Even though I knew this was all in my head Mr Mind just would not give up. I could not eat without feeling sick nor could I concentrate on other people's conversations.
Obviously it was confirmed this morning that I was ok and my imagination can now relax for a bit but it just goes to show in cancer journeys how things change so quickly all the time, up down up down up down. Even though you know what you are thinking is stupid you just cannot help having the arguments in your head and working yourself up to a frenzy.
I was told this morning that this was normal and things will settle down and I can stop going through the medical dictionary of all existing cancers and cancers that have not been discovered yet. Which is good news cause my sanity is at risk here.
Going home to enjoy a well deserved meal without anxiety so Mr Mind do one!!
