I would imagine people with slow growing cancer have different fears and thoughts to someone with cancer and immediate treatment and effects.
Neither is good, neither is easy to live with for different reasons..................
We entered the Consultants room yesterday and asked how we are and are we living a normal as possible life, my husband answered 'For being sick/ill I suppose we are.'
Now too things came out of this, the Doctor saying you are not sick and John's announcement, 'You may not see cancer as an illness, but if you had it, you may say differently.' Mmmm interesting.......The second is how people persevere one with cancer.
Although we (John and I, more I to help John cope) make light of things as much as we can, and we often use humour as a coping mechanism, my husband sees himself ill with something in his body unable to rid. With something that is eating him inside, slowly!
The Doctor sees this as a inconvenience but a capable disease to life with. Neither is wrong. However, I disagree that a slow growing cancer is as easy to live with as people say it is.
You see my husband is just 50years old, and doesn't have the attitude, take it away save my life, he battles with what if's, he tosses and turns at night as we get closer to the appointments, 'Maybe this appointment is the one they say it has grown further, maybe this is the one, where I am not longer a man.'
We have the option to wait and see, keeping a watchful eye, being told each time, 'We can only gage how much it is growing by certain tests, nothing is 100%, you may chose to have radicle surgery at anytime, how are you coping?'
Well no body knows, it is so personal and hard for people to comment. It is hard to explain my husband is 50 and to have cancer slowly growing for 10-20 years seems a bit daunting to tell the truth. I do understand and appreciate, and I am not saying it is worse then being 70 - 80 years old, But we would be able to make different decisions, and yes, he may live 10 years with slow growing cancer and die of a heart attack because of his age, and the cancer not take hold BUT HE IS 50.
All we know, is we are trying to hold off as long as possible before the cancer moves, grows, changes etc. and we have to take action.
Can we live 10-20years without this happening? No one knows, Doctors are unsure. The one thing we cannot do is get complacent, stop the tests or miss appointments, as this may be the one time it grows.
If I could take this away from my husband, I would, I would take the pain, disease and elements . I would take the decisions, the awkwardness and the fears. But I can't, as we watch the cancer, I watch over him, I can offer no more, then my voice, shoulder and humour.
Tx
