well my husband had his 3 month review last week and i was nervous he appears calm at al appointments i take it he wants to be the strong one but i keep telling him i should be strong for you but to be honest i do feel weak is this selfish of me to be weak feel useless everytime an apoointment goes well i feel happy for a little bit but then panick about the next one will this ever stop... he remains clear still on his chest area but back again end of april for ct scan and results and i seem to be worrying about it already. i dont know why but i just feel like things are to good to be true right now we had a nightmare of 12 months in 2014 and it seems to have a calm feeling now but is it the calm before another storm?? i never thought i would hear cancer so close to home ive had grandparent s suffer and sadly pass but this was way different my love of my life my partner since i was 13 years of age being told he had cancer it felt like a tonn of bricks hitting me but i cried once the day of dianogsis and i couldnt cry no more as we had two kids one recently born in dec 2013 he was 3 moths old when the news hit i kept strong it killed me to leave my husband in the hosiptal each night for a week as he was an inpatient for his chemo i dont think i could be strong again or not as much as i was im terrified of him going through tthis dreaded illness again and seeing him suffer seeing him have weak days and me not being able to take it away thats my worse feeling i couldnt swop position with him so i could go through it instead of him i would tell him i want this instead of you but he would say it would be like a yoyo as he woudlnt be able to watch me i hated that my husband would do anythung fr anyine he worked since he was 15 and so caring never comitted anyhting and he gets chucked cancer at him but you have people take avantage of thier lives everyday using drugs and hurting people killing people and they dont get anything threw at them they live each day just getting on with there stupid lives they want to live but my husband gets dealt this deck of cards think there something wrong there why do all these people who are so caring and so loving and children gets this disease or anyhting else that can make them suffer but individuals who purposely hurt others and hurt themselves for enjoymnet get nothing like it no where near it... i know long rant but this is minths of anger upset hurt worry all in one as ive jus theld it in iv e read people situatons and it hurt dto see so many loving people hurting and they dont deserve a tiny bit...
