I lost my dad nearly 3 years ago to lung cancer.. Just writing this I feel sick to the pit of my stomach, my heart is aching. I miss him every single day. How can I move on when I have lost my best friend and there is so much that reminds me of him. The smallest thing can bring back so many memories and I wish I could find them as happy memories but since he has died they are all memories that leave me sad and filled with hurt.
I was 21 when he died and I feel as though I was old enough to accept the reality of what was going on but instead I didn't want to believe he was going to die and I didmy say all what I wish I had said.
I picture him in my head all the time, it comes from no where. I see him the day I came home and found him crying in the back garde. - I never thought my dad could cry. I didn't even know what to say so I left him alone. .. I see him sitting on the couch in the living room coughing up blood into a tissue, he didn't know I was there but the fear on his face broke my heart. I see him in the hospital bed, the dad I knew long gone and just his body lying there in a deep sleep, barely taking a breath.
He lay in a hospital bed for 2 weeks. His heart was so strong ir just kept going even though there was little left .
i can't get over it. I'm sorry my post is so negative i just don't know where to turn and writing about it might relieve me of this heavy feeling even just for a little while.
i feel like the rest of my family has moved on and I'm here weighing up every day to day activity thinking "what if dad was here". I wish he was here to meet my daughter and my son. I wish he was here for when I get married. I recently qualofied and alll I wanted was to tell my dad , I text him old phone number but it wasn't enough. I needed to see his smile.
Will I ever stop feeling like this? I feel the opportunity has passed to talk to anyone, they all stopped asking how I was a long time ago - to them 3 years is a long time but to me I am still swimming around in an ocean full of grief barely keeping my head above water and I am getting out of breath!
