So unsure what to do tonight, my husbands appointments are tomorrow, a routine we go through every couple of months.
However, I made arrangements with my girlfriends to meet up, forgot all about the appointments on the Wednesday (date made a few weeks ago) and now we have come to the day before the appointment I feel quite guilty going out tonight to leave my husband to fret about tomorrow.
We try and live normal, we weren't normal before, so it is exceptionally hard for us to be normal now!!! So my husbands say go I will be fine, but I know deep down if it was me I wouldn't want him to go out, and would want him to hold me whilst I cried why me!
These are times couples need to completely honest, 'are you ok with me going out, or shall I stay in?' if I go, he may feel sad, if I stay in he may what time alone, OMG (that is Oh My Gosh) not blaspheming....No good asking any one else what to do, as I have to do what is right for me.
These are the kind of things we have to decide, when they should be simple decisions. How can I go out knowing tomorrow we could get that final call, this is it, you have to make a decision as the cancer has grown. Or I don't go out and all is still fine as it can be.
And you think your life is hard! You see as soon as I analyse something a simple (and some may say pathetic) as whether to go out or not, I realise, there are so many people out there not even able to go out, not getting that chance of slow growing cancer. Not knowing about tomorrow.
So the answer to any of our questions, no matter how large or small, is it doesn't matter, do what feels right, be honest and open to those you love and hope they will be the same, this way we can love and leave each other without guilt.
Tx
Then I say to myself
