For the last couple of days I've been posting updates in the evening after seeing mum, today though, it's early afternoon. Just trying to make best use of my time, as I work full time and also have 2 teenagers. I've been backwards & forwards to the hospital most days in the last 2 weeks, it's not been too bad as the boys have been off school, but they went back today, luckily my husband works from home. They may be 13 & 17 but I hate the idea that I'm not there for them. A trait I've inherited from mum.
Mum is able to take phone calls from hospital and I usually manage to speak to her every day, despite her ward being a bit of a black spot for phone signals. Today the phone kept ringing out, with no answer. When my phone rang out about 10 minutes later and it was my brother my heart started pounding, he never rings me at work. He's down as next of kin so I assumed the worst - wrongly as it turned out. He just wanted to know how mum was last night & to see if I was going this evening so he could meet me there... and told me he keeps crying. So I now feel that I've got to be strong for him as well as mum.
I finally got hold of mum at 2pm, she's been very sick today, but still sounded better than yesterday. Today she's had the biopsy she has been waiting for. So now we wait for the results. I don't know what other tests they do to determine stage, grade etc, but I expect that by this time next week we'll have all our questions answered. It's not a good feeling. We are under no illusions,we know it's bad, we just don't know how bad.
Today has not been good at work as I've been on my own. I'm not busy so its giving me too much time to think. HR have told me I will be allowed compassionate leave, but this is still a worry. They've not told me how much I am allowed to take or if it's paid or not. So now I'm worried about how much time I can take, and for what reason.... time off for appointments...time off to provide care....time off to grieve....time off to clear out her house - she's in a housing association house so I know there are time limits to remove belongings. There is too much unknown though so for now I need to take my own advice, and just take one day at a time.
