Well just a few more days to go until the end of the dreaded month of April. All in all, it has been been a good month. No major health concerns, much less vivid reminders of the horrors of cancer treatments, basically it has been everything I ever dreamed of.
Still, time rolls on and I remain blissfully uncomfortable. I won’t bore you with the details but I can’t stop myself trying to find the answer to the unanswerable question. Last April, I needed a fast-forward button. Now I need a pause button. Maybe next April I will need a rewind button.
What does telling someone their cancer is incurable actually achieve?
In the spectrum of problems to have, I realise all of this is pretty small. But in a way, maybe it is the most important question of all?
So the void will remain, deep inside me. 99% of the time I can distract myself from it. And maybe this April has taught me that I am getting better at hiding it? I really don’t want to get to the end of the film. I just want to be forever lost in the scene.
