14th May
Today I was so tired I didn’t manage to get out of bed until 1:00. I felt really embarrassed about this – what sort of life will I have left if I can’t get out of bed and function?
Hubby cycled into town (about an 18 mile round trip) to do some shopping and when he got back I had my weekly bath which was lovely as usual.
We went to see the GP today to discuss the possibility of seeing a urologist to discuss the option of having my bag replaced with a stent. I don’t hold out too much hope but she said she would look into in and set the ball rolling.
Bit of a waste of a day really ….. I felt like I had done the 18 mile bike ride!
15th May
Today was a gloriously sunny day but it started off rather pants from an emotional point of view. I woke feeling exhausted again and then I had a phone call from the hospital rearranging an appointment I had to 8:50. That is far too early for me considering I struggle to get myself up and showered by 11:00 usually. I had a bit of a meltdown announcing (once again) that it was time to stop chemo.
After popping out for a brief wander with the dog (and having my bag changed), I came home and sat in the sunshine in the garden giving myself a manicure and pedicure whilst sipping a can of Relentless (other high sugar energy drinks are also available!). The Relentless perked me up no end so have decided that if it takes a can of Relentless every day to get me going then so be it. It can hardly kill me can it!!! The chemo appears to have turned my big toe nail brown – rather unattractive.
I had my ipod on whilst in the garden and one of the songs that is going to be played at my funeral came on – ‘The Sound of Silence’ by The Disturbed (definitely not the Simon and Garfunkle version). The other song is ‘My Way’ by Elvis Presley (I’m a big Elvis fan). The latter is a tad predictable for funerals but I love it.
Whilst listening to The Sound of Silence I realised that I was probably going to have to play it for my dad some time before my funeral ….. it’s a tad left of base and my dad, although accepting of my choice, will probably think I have lost my marbles. I would recommend anyone who hasn’t heard it to download it now.
16th May
We went to see the chemo nurse today and I told her that I didn’t want to carry on even though I felt like I was letting everyone down when I’ve only got two more sessions left. Thankfully my CT results were back and all in all they look rather positive. A couple of the lymph nodes in the right side of my neck have even cleared up. Anyway, to cut a long story short they have suggested a few options to help me carry on:
So I had two blood tests (yup, two needles!), the usual one to test my levels and one for blood grouping for the transfusion.
I can’t admit to being happy about continuing with the chemo but it’s probably the right thing to do. Once the next session is complete then psychologically I will be in a better place as I will always have the thought in my head that there is only one left to go.
My dad popped round in the afternoon (I played him my funeral songs) and we had a chat about how my mum coped with her chemo. She also found it tough but must have been a harder nut than me as she took all that was offered (although she did end up bedbound in the end). I felt quite guilty about visiting my mum when she was bedbound as I always tried to ‘buck her up’ when all I can imagine was my mum wishing I would go away so she could sleep. I know that I put a brave face on when speaking / visiting people.
Hubby went to meet his friend for the evening. I was powered today by Relentless, McDonalds, chocolate and wine. Disgraceful ……
BREAKING NEWS! Just had a phone call from the hospital and my blood levels are up so I don’t need the transfusion after all : 0 ) I will still have the other options in place though.
17th May
Today I had a bit of a lie in again and spent a considerable amount of time in the sun relaxing.
My greatest dilemma today was whether to shave my remaining eyebrows off or to leave them alone (they are extremely sparse with only a few hairs left on my right side). Either way I need to pencil them in.
I did manage to do a little bit of gardening (only weeding) whilst hubby sorted out some hanging baskets.
We had a brief visit to the pub and Bailey had a bit of doggy fun with a couple of terriers that we know.
18th May
Another quiet day today although on the plus side I do not feel as tired as I have done and was out of bed by 9am which is good for me!
I helped hubby with the housework and we then chilled in the garden again and I decided to shave off the remainder of my eyebrows!
The waterworks are playing up again, which is rather annoying as we are going away in the caravan tomorrow for a couple of nights. This is obviously due to the stent that I have in my left kidney and they are known for being a bit painful at times.
Had a message from a friend in the village to say that her mother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer (her dad has only just finished treatment for stomach cancer). I’m beginning to think that this village is on a ley line …..’
19th May
The waterworks are back with vengeance. I called 111 who made an appointment with the out of hours’ service at Warwick Hospital. This tied in well with an MRI scan for hubby’s shoulder problem so we killed two birds with one stone.
The GP gave me a 7 day course of antibiotics so we headed home, packed up the caravan and headed off for a couple of nights.
20th May
The UTI is the worse it’s ever been – lots of pain and urgency. Unfortunately we weren’t able to make the most of the time away in the caravan as I couldn’t stray too far from the facilities.
I spent the majority of the day sitting quietly in a chair in the sun and knitting two elephants from a kit I bought with a magazine. This took my mind off things as best as possible.
I had to get up numerous times in the night (not easily done quickly in a caravan).
21st May
Only had to get up three times during the night but things are still quite bad. We were thinking when we booked the caravan site that we might stay 3 nights instead of 2 but this wouldn’t have been viable given how I’m feeling.
Also the site (and our pitch) was rather near a very busy road so it was rather noisy throughout the night. Probably not a site we will go back to again but on the plus side we had a lovely Chinese takeaway.
I googled tips for UTIs when I got home to find out that orange juice is a big no-no (due to the acidity). I drink this every morning so that is definitely off the menu now.
22nd May
I have decided to sign off my blog temporarily as things are getting on top of me at the moment and I realise that my posts are getting more and more negative. I started this off as something positive that I hoped other people might benefit from but now it’s just bleak and I don’t want to put anyone off who may be going through the same thing.
Hopefully when I am in a better place I will resume my blog.
However, I can relate that I am carrying on with chemo albeit on a reduced dose.
