I'm sorry but the cancer is back and there is nothing more we can do, are the words no one wants to hear. Dad had been struggling to swallow again over the xmas, only had his peg removed that September and seemed to be recovering well from tongue cancer which had spread to the lymph nodes, but after choking on everything he ate he was booked in to investigate why after the new year. The day before dad took ill, a hernia he had had for years had strangulated, and was rushed down for emergency surgery. Took him 3-4 weeks in hospital to recover, during which they fed him through his nose. Eventually the scans were done and the results were back, the cancer has spread to his carotid artery and was untreatable. Given his poor reaction to chemo previously and the fact it had survived it and radiation, chemo and everything else was ruled out and we came home with dad. Still being fed through the nose, dad wanted a peg tube put back in, he was too self conscious to leave the house otherwise, however before they could do it, he developed pneumonia and was taken into hospital, after several days and little response to the antibiotics i was told you can stay overnight with him if you want, i didn't want dad to die alone so immediately said yes and a recliner was brought to his room i prepared to say goodbye. The next morning dad woke up, much brighter, he had turned a corner overnight, what a relief, we were eventually able to bring him home in time for his 68th birthday in june, a planned get together for all his friends and family to see him before it got bad. Weak and tired and with his deteriorated speech he left early to rest. Early autumn a call came at 11.30pm dad has fallen and hit his head on furniture on the way down, tried to get up but fell again injuring himself further, there is blood everywhere. Dad had 2 black eyes and a bust lip and a Damaged nose. Late autumn a call came dad has collapsed and hurt himself again, another black eye. Dads admitted to hospital for tests to find out why he's collapsing after the 8th time. However they focus is on his secretions, vomiting and pain during his 2 week stay, something we had all learned to cope with. We bring dad home again. Dad now has a growth on his neck in the area where the cancer is internally wrapped around his carotid artery. Dads growth keeps getting bigger. Your dad now has an ulcerating tumour and is at risk of a carotid artery blow out where he will bleed to death very quickly, we have injections to sedate him so is isn't distressed if it happens. Dad starts having seizures, a call, can you come dad is having a kind of fit. Wake up dad is having a seizure. Thud dad is on bedroom floor again having a seizure, and again and again and again and again.....then dad has mini stroke. Dad has vomited non stop for a whole day... The day after dads head was going to explode, he slept for over 24hrs we prepare again to say goodbye, new drug given. Next day dad bright as a button and able to sit up. No more pain in face, no more pain in head, no more vomiting, no more pain in stomach. Dad starts struggling to walk to the toilet, pain in stomach and head is back, one side of face has completely drooped, dad struggling to communicate. Dad writes that he wants to be dead, he wants to kill himself, dad is starting to also go blind, drug for swelling increased, dad slept for 2 days, unable to turn over in bed, unable to take the weight of any part of his body, dad is going.......this is it, we are saying goodbye.... Or is he going to wake up tomorrow and be able to sit up. Why am i stressed? , why do i have anxiety? , why am i on the sick this last 4 weeks? Why am i currently unable to carry out my teaching duties? Why do i need counselling? Lets have a catch up meeting with HR, bring a union rep.....
