A few months after I found the lump, it started to bleed.
Needless to say I was off to the doctor like a rocket and unsurprisingly my mind was already whirling. A couple of weeks later I was seen at The Breast Care Centre in Bristol. It's a brand new centre that's very swish, it aims to be a one stop clinic from scan to diagnosis. Unfortunately it didn't quite workout that way for me.
My first meeting with my consultant was brief; she thought the lump that I'd found on the right breast was likely to be a fibroadenoma - which was I had thought and why I hadn't gone to the doctors before. But she also found a small lump on the left that I couldn't even feel. First step was a mammogram, ultrasounds which then led to biopsies, then close up mammograms, more biopsies, a steretactic core biopsy (which wasn't anywhere as scary as you imagine), an MRI and another biopsy. At this point the boobs were black and blue, thankfully the bruising's nearly gone now. The results so far show a small invasive lobular cancer in the left breast with DCIS in the right and a benign lump that ironically caused the bloody discharge. If it hadn't been for the benign lump, I'd never have gone to the doctors. I think I'm quite lucky, well as lucky as I could be. Hopefully if my lymph nodes are clear, it will just be radiotherapy after surgery.
I'm trying my best to stay positive but some days it's easier than others. Usually I'm an annoyingly optimistic, glass half full person. I even irritate myself sometimes I'm so chipper. Over the last week though an unusual private gloom has descended. The face in public still has the same happy grin, in the shed however, I'm often far from cheery. Having a private space where I can hide and be myself is a tonic. It's the one place I can let go, be angry, cry, swear and sew.
Now having the attention span of a gnat and zero patience, I've even adapted my sewing projects. I like to go into my shed and feel that I've completed something. Complicated bags with lots of panels and challenging structures will have to wait a while. On a particularly black day after my machine broke ( I tried machining almost carpet thick fabric ), I drafted up some new patterns. By the time I came out of the shed, I felt my spirits had lifted. Now, I'm quite glad the machine broke. I found an ace repair man who made my machine run better than it ever has and I made some ace new bags.
These mini totes are weeny and will only hold a purse, phone and keys but they're fun to design and only take an hour or so to make. I've made one each for my nurse and consultant, I think they deserve a thank you for all the work they do :)
