Feeling Guilty

1 minute read time.

Just been given the news that my sister in law has been told she only has 2 weeks and will be going into a hospice.  She was diagnosed with grade 4 lung cancer at the same time I was diagnosed with grade 3 ductal breast cancer.

Our journey has been si different.  I have the most treatable form of cancer whereas she was told it would be palliative care only.  We started chemotherapy within weeks of each other.  My first session took one hour and hers took 5 days before it got finished due to problems with veins and reactions to the drugs.


I feel so guilty that I haven't had many side effects.  I have a future to plan for and am trying to be strong.  No-one wants to be told they have the C word.  Am I lucky to have the treatable type?  My poor husbsnd is devastated.  He has never been particularly close to his sister but since we had children around the same time we had found more in common.


I had to write my feelings down to let them out.  After losing my Dad to cancer last year I have been feeling down but I will get through this.

Anonymous
  • I am so sorry for your news - you are entitled to be devastated and I can understand how you feel guilty but the thing is nobody, not your sister in law or anyone else would blame you for feeling good you didnt get the worst cancer.

    My mom died of BC and up to the end she was always really really positive about those who made it. Even in the hospice she would cheer for those who would recover. My dad being one of them.

    Let yourself grieve for yourself, your sister in law and your family. But try not to feel guilty. Instead, you are the one who can live life for both of you. Your husband still has you by his side. Your kids will need you even more now. Be kind to you for even though you feel you didnt get the "bad" cancer, you still were ill and need to look after yourself.

    I hope you feel better about this soon. x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Im so sorry for what you are going through. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. In fact you yourself just survived cancer. If anything it might have given her hope. She probably didn’t feel so alone going into it as well knowing you were also going through it. Cancer is an f’d up thing. If I was in your shoes I would just keep comforting my husband and now it’s time to be with your kids. God bless that you have such a big heart that you are concerned about what she thinks. You must be a great person. I’m sure she would want you to live your life and conintue for the both of you. Comfort your husband. Be a great role model for the kids and show strength as you have been doing. Throw yourself a party for beating cancer. Maybe you can start a foundation or help her keep a dream going she might have. Maybe run a marathon and bring awareness. She will be proud of you and I’m sure you will start to feel better. Good luck and God Bless!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I know exactly how you feel.I lost my best friend of 50 years to lung cancer just after I was diagnosed with BC..My journey was harder due to being with her every step through treatment..We have survivor guilt..I know that she would be so mad at me, she would want me to love my life.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Feeling a bit better today. Visited my sister in law a couple of times in the last week. She's gone home for a few days where she is comfortable. I have my next chemo on Monday so likely not going to be able to visit for a week or so. She's being so positive and is a real inspiration.