Hi everyone after feeling ill bloated nauseus and tired with ongoing trips to the doctors since 19th december I was smacked in the face with the biggest devastation I had cancer, a rare cancer called low grade serous cancer of the overies.
My life had just rebegun and was finally perfect. In March last year I fell totally in love and left my ex of 10 years to be with him( best thing iv ever done) we had the perfect year we trained together went on dates, holidays, surprised each, celebrated our "firsts" together and finally moved in together. Totally inseparable. We spoke about marriage and children and everything was like a fairytale. This year was going to be a new year better then the last but on the 18th of January we was struck with the s****y news! With no time to get my head round it I'm undergoing extensive ultra radical surgery in a weeks time.
How am I feeling?
At this moment in time I could cry and never stop I feel guilty for what I'm about to put my partner through. Worried about who's gonna look after him and scared I'm going to push him away!!!!
I'm so angry I could punch something!!!!
I feel like I'm going to awake a different person, plunged into menopause, infertility and left with a horrendous scar. How is my perfect man going to adjust to that? How am I going to cope knowing I can never have his baby?
I'll be spending 2 weeks in icu so Valentine's is out the window although I do have a few surprises lined up for him. He needs to know how much I love him. I feel like we were meant to be together so that he could give me strength to get through this.
The anxiety is just building and building and I find myself getting more jealous and paranoid someone's going to take my place.
I'm petrified of needles, drains, swallowing pills, being confined to a bed, the pain im going to feel and the unknown.
I just pray he's the first thing I see when I open my eyes. Sorry for the soppy first blog!
After writing this I feel much better, speaking about my feelings has never been easy and i just bottle stuff up, maybe I'll become an avid blogger!! Haha. Anyway hopefully ill have more days like this where i can keep you all updated. And I would love to here from people in a similar situation xx
