I need your help and support tonight. . .

Hello Karen

I'm so sorry. It is very hard to sit through the night beside someone, listening to each breath with the fear that any minute they will stop, or that there will be some kind of crisis that you can't handle, terrified to go to the bathroom in case it happens when you are out of the room. (Which may happen - it is actually quite common, and my husband stopped breathing a couple of minutes after I had stepped out of his room.) To do this with no professional support near to hand must be incredibly scary.

But I have faith that you will be able to do this, I am certain that you will not let him down. You can't possibly fail him, because you just need to be there, hold his hand and tell him that you love him. Remember to breathe. Talk to him, whether or not he responds. They say hearing is the last sense to go. It will help you as well to say how you feel.

It might help to hear that after fearing the actual moment for so long, the night my husband passed there was a great sense of peace in the room, and seeing him dead was not as frightening as I had expected. If it does happen tonight, I hope that you feel the same peace.

I will be thinking of you and i hope this helps you.

Karen you have the strength to be there in the first place so give yourself some credit for that. That takes courage so well done, as Diziet sma says hold his hand whenever you feel like it and talk to him. Many years ago when my brother died of cancer at the age of 19 I thought my mother would be distraught when she came home from hospital. I was amazed at how calm she was, when I asked her why she said that she had watched her son suffer so long he was now free from pain and suffering. So how can I be sad now he is at peace and no longer in pain she told me. That gave me great comfort, so try not to worry and fear not, whatever happens you will get through it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Frank

Hi Karen

Big hugs and love to you and your family at this very difficult time. Please dont be scared, as the others have said you will not get this wrong as all you need to do is be with him, hold his hand, comfort him and talk to him, let him know how much he is loved. I lost my mum and dad to cancer, then my son to cancer so I know how difficult this is for you all as a family.

If you are concerned, about him during the night could you possibly call your mum ? failing that you can ask the Nurses to call in and make him more comfortable, you will not be alone.

When the end comes he will peacefully go knowing his whole family where there to support him throughout, once he goes you will see him look peaceful and no longer in pain, this will hopefully help with the grief of losing a loved one thereafter

I will be thinking of you, stay strong, love your dad that is all you can do

xx

Karen, my heart goes out to you, and I'll be thinking of you.

I lost my dad 18 days ago, and just as Diziet Sma says, it was so peaceful. I was dreading the moment and hoping with all my heart that he'd just make it through and somehow get better. He was only 59, and while it broke my heart to see, once he was gone it felt peaceful. Our whole family were there - my husband and I, my sister and her partner, my aunt and uncle too. He chose his moment to go while my mum was holding his hand and napping next to him.

I don't know what the word is for it, but it was almost relief. I would never say I was relieved to lose my wonderful Daddy, but there was no more worrying to be done. We knew the outcome, and the situation was just something to get our heads around. There were no more 'what ifs'.

Please remember how much you all love each other, how much you care. That's what he'll be thinking. You're so strong to stay with him, you can do this.

Sending you all the love and cuddles I can x