It’s like being on a merry go round but without the lovely coloured horses

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

11 May 2018

A chemotherapy cycle is like a merry go round in my eyes, I am stuck on this one for what should be 21 days however given my first cycle didn’t go quite to plan at the moment it is 14 days and at the end of that time I get to hop off the ride for a week and then begin the whole thing all over again on a continuous loop for as long as the drug keeps working.

Don’t get me wrong I am extremely lucky to have a drug available that may (fingers and toes crossed) stabilise my tumours but I had forgotten just how draining it was for the cancer to take over a large majority of the day.

Having not been on treatment for some time, although I had my limitations in what I could do, I didn’t have any specific routines to commit to apart from medication in the morning (and adhoc through the day, pain dependent) and intermittent medical appointments.

Now is a very different story, take the drugs at the same time first thing in the morning, check blood pressure and temperature, keep a log. Due to weight loss there is now a feeding regime - and yes that’s the only word I can use because this drug suppresses your appetite so eating really is a chore but it has to be done. My phone alarm is set for times throughout the day when it goes off yelling at me “eat now”. Then there’s more medications than I was on before so they’re factored in to my day as week which are all to combat the side effects of the chemotherapy.

And as I get into bed, which I have also had to change as I can no longer lie on either side due to pain (all hail the V pillow - marvellous invention) I wonder what on earth I am doing on this merry go round, constantly counting down days until I get a break and constantly thinking every time I swallow the tablets that I hope that they are working and then I remember what my motivation is....my beautiful daughter, my wonderful husband, my little (albeit grown up) brother and all my family and friends. I want to see them live their lives, I want to be part of their lives for as long as I can and if that means I have to go on this merry go round then I will and I will ride it as positively as I can, doing everything in my power to keep myself as well as possible so that eating regime will be stuck to and the way I sleep will be second nature soon and the medications and side effects well, they will just have to be the norm. It’s just my new norm!

I am putting this cancer back it’s box or at least giving it a good go!