I honestly will be glad to see the back of 2017, it’s been a terrible year, but I also have to say it could have been far worse.
Since January I have known I was battling something, I knew something was very wrong with me. I found I was always very tried and losing weight but also the fact that I was losing interest in things. Things I normally enjoyed. I had no idea that 6 months later I would have the lose of our horse 
he was a proper cheeky boy and a sod at times but he did have some lovely redeeming features. Then only a few days later that I would I would be diagnosed with womb cancer. It was such a double whammy. I then had the roller coaster experience of diagnosis, surgery and waiting on the histology results to know whether I had a low to high stage cancer and what further treatments I would need. I felt blessed to find it was only low stage but I can always look at how our horse when he collapsed in the field he seemed to have given up, maybe he knew I wasn’t well and was trying to stop us worrying about him, who knows.
Of course I was low stage no further treatment and I was so relieved about this, I never expected that the next few months would be very trying on my body and mind. I have always been so active and running round doing things, I am a grater so having to rest was very strange and really hard work. I kept thinking I should be better by now why I am I not? I didn’t expect in September to land myself back in hospital for near two weeks because of some kind of infection? But also ongoing trouble with my abdomen especially my stomach area and problems with my bowels. Which has caused problems with my appetite at times if I waited to feel hungry I never would eat, I eat because I have to, to keep up my strength I go swimming now most weeks and do more and more lengths in a bid to try and improve my fitness so my body can settle down more, it’s like my body has forgotten what it should be doing.
now as christmas appoaches and after seeing my consultant who has noticed I have lost weight but if I look at the scales I am around the same weight which hasn’t changed much but I have lost inches instead. So now I await a referral to a gastroenterologis. I see the dermatologist next week who can hopefully shine a light on what causing my skin infectio. Things seemed to be finally sorting themselves out. Then we get a phone call informing us that a close friend has died. Someone who we have known well over 20 years and someone who used to look after the horse for us if we had to go somewhere like the hospital. it was rather a shock because she was no spring chicken but was very fit and healthy. It just goes to show that looking at someone doesn’t always say what is wrong or going on inside in general. I often get told I look great which sounds so positive but often really opens up de stress when you don’t feel as well as you look. I think it’s harder to deal with a death at this time of year and it’s certainly not the first for me. I lost my nana 18 years ago and had her funeral on the 19th December, so when I heard about my friend it brought back bad memories. I often feel people’s pain and how they cope with the lose of loved especially at this time of year when many are preparing for celebration not reflection. So I think what do I do? Well the answer is just to take a step back and concentrate on the here and now and think of all the good stories that have happened. Shared jokes and experiences. I think we owe them this, I don’t believe they would want us to suffer in pain at the their lose. But there is nothing wrong in being upset about it, it only shows that we care.
So after a year of things going very wrong I hope next year will be a year for everything to become right. So I send some lovely warm gentle hugs and hope you all can have a good Christmas and new year no matter how you celebrate it. Celebrate life.
