Well Missy you are lying here messaging yourself and telling yourself to STOP misbehaving and GO TO SLEEP! Is this normal behaviour? Or should you be worried? That is the question!
They say the first sign of madness is talking to yourself, well I think I passed that one years ago! In fact I think I have passed the talk to self, answer self, argue with self, get angry with self and tell self to DO ONE!! Hmmm think I might be way past the first signs of madness!
BUT
Having said all that, during 'normal' waking hours I am fairly 'with it' and able to cope with everyday life on minimal sleep! I haven't murdered anyone yet in fact I have been VERY calm and relaxed, considering I am exhausted, most of the time!
Maybe this sleep thing is overrated maybe we don't need sleep, i mean look at what all you 'sleepers' are missing! The Silence of the Night! Just the sound of your own breathing (hopefully, or that's not good) The gentle tick, tock of the bedside clock, in fact the longer you listen to that the more annoying it is! The sound of your thoughts whirling around in your head! Good thoughts, bad thoughts, interesting thoughts and boring thoughts! The one time you have so much you would like to say and yet there is no one to listen!
Well right now I want to scream from the rooftop (but it's a bit high and I don't want to wake anyone) I want everyone to know that I HATE CANCER, I HATE WHAT IT HAS DONE TO ME, TO MY FAMILY AND TO MY FRIENDS, I WISH IT WOULD JUST PI** OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE, I WISH I COULD WAKE UP TOMORROW AND FIND OUT THIS IS ALL A DREAM! I WISH MORE THAN ANYTHING FOR MY CARE FREE LIFE BACK!
BUT
You know what S**T happens and all I can do is put one foot in front of the other (easier said than done some mornings) and face each day head on! With determination, belief and support of family, friends and professionals .........
I WILL GET THROUGH THE DAY!
Thats right I don't aim for a week, a month or a year! If I can get through a day then I have done well! If during that day I can achieve something positive that makes me and others smile, then you know what.......I do still have a purpose! I'm not completely useless or insane!! ;-)
